Thursday, June 29, 2006 . 10:02 PM

early day today. or should i say these few days.
went school early to capture tape.
then that stupid dv deck kept giving me problems.
buthen in actual fact, i did wrongly lar. hahaha..
den had a short meeting before going for aaup lecture.
sian lar..
his lecture he went through the test as well as the quiz..
dead liao lor.. coz as he say, i know i did quite bad. or rather, might fail.. *choi choi*
den abit scared so cry till fc6. hehehe.
buthen cry halfway i fell asleep. hahahaha..
then dear they all mistook i still crying hahaha. so funny lar..
guess i must be really tired lately.
slept not too late. abt 11.45pm till morning 7am. hehe.

anyway, tmr lunch at breeks with produzione-1. got vouchers so go eat lor. hehe. =)

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 . 10:35 PM

went media brief today with dear and seng hee at nan hua high school.
alot of people there. quite fun.. stayed for quite long too coz taking many things. hehe.
after that we had our lunch before heading back to school..

supposedly to go gems. buthen by the time we walked back to school, it's already 2pm. haha..
and i'm perspiring by then, which i don't even perspire everytime. hehe.
so end up, we went fc6 and sit and talked till about 2.45pm before meeting joy at 2034 outside.
then waited for acan practical test.

die man. wonder if i can pass. haiz.. hopefully lar..
anyway, tmr having meeting at 9am in school then after class most probably heading down to joy house have meeting again.
many many many things to do and look and discussed. hehehe.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 . 5:00 PM

aaup test yesterday afternoon.
total disaster.
gimme a D+ i will be happy.
forgotten things seng hee taught me on the train.
coz there are simply too many. hehe.
fixed digital camera at creative. then went school for lunch with produzione-1.
went home after that.
watched tv. superband. played games. talked with dear. sleep.
end of monday. hahaha.

went for interview today.
hope it goes well.
we shall see.
walked around with dear then went home.
coz too bored.
wanna go swimming.
no more days to swim.
want to train for 2.4km.
nobody accompany. hehe.
let's go train for 2.4km okay, joy and xw? hehe...

//21 days to napfa.//

painful memories. hard to erase. broken friendship. hard to repair. time heal all wounds. hope it's true.

Sunday, June 25, 2006 . 4:56 PM

Came back not long ago from Underwater World cum Dolphin Lagoon. Hehe.
Nice trip there. But somehow, I rather we not go out as a family.
Everytime a family outing will lead to unhappiness.
Just don't understand.

Anyway, went stadium yesterday for CR1. Tiring but fun.
I want to run around too!! Can I?? Hehe..
Reach home quite late already.
Since we left about 9.30pm, and waiting for bus for so long.
And going mac and have 2nd dinner coz I'm simply too hungry. Hehe..
Anyway, yesterday issues sure brought back hurtful memories of the past.
It sure left me thinking what if one day I'm like that too? I'm seriously scared it will happen one day.
Of course, he didn't knew what I'm thinking.
But I'm fine now. Really. =)
It's a short disturbance in my mind. But at the same time, it sort of serves as a warning that if I continue the way I am, I will be equally the same as her.
Sorry lar dear. Hehe.. bring you so much trauma. Hehehe.. =x

Thursday, June 22, 2006 . 4:03 PM

i'm bored.
nothing much of aaup went in. sianz..
and the test is on monday.
sighhs..

and acan pratical test is on wed.
double sigh..
sad to say i am still in a holiday mood. hehe..
ask me do others still okay.. as long its not studying for exams or tests hehe..
freakky bored now.. ahhh..

my plans for this whole weekend:
fri: stay home slack and study and play comp.
sat: filming whole afternoon.
sun: morning go sentosa with family for my dad office gathering. then afternoon, most probably the tired me will be lying on the bed and sleep again. hahaha.

countdown: 9 more days to 16 months. hehehe.. =)

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 . 9:22 PM

went to celebrate wei siang's birthday yesterday with ck, eling, benedict and calvin.
quite alright.
went to eat pizza hut then supposedly wanted to watch movie buthen eling got something cropped up so can't watch. too bad lar. hehe.
while walking around tampines mall, saw alot of east springians.
then after that went BK and slack and talk.

anyway, while eating pizza, we gossiped alot too. and i realised i didn't know many things.
haha. have been losing contacts with my buddies now man. lol..
and at BK, we continued talking and gossiping. lol..
and somehow talked about the past. 4e5 stuffs.. relationship stuffs.
and i am so shocked by many many things. haha.

went home together with wei siang. then i was telling him quite a number of stuffs.. the reasons about the previous break ups. and we concluded.. they are really not a nice guy at all. hehe..
haha. shan't say anymore else someone gonna call and ask if i'm alright. hahaha.. =x

//dear, just wanna say.. i love you lots. //

Monday, June 19, 2006 . 4:56 PM

Went back to school for meeting today.
At 9am!
I'm tired. Hehe.. Everybody is. Hahaha..
Anyway, meeting about usual stuffs. Then Jen came and talked to us about interim and stuffs.
Okay. we knew our grades for interim.
And we will strive even harder now. =)
this saturday gonna be a long day.
the first combined rehearsals. it sure is going to be chaotic.
and the next few saturdays too.

before i forget, napfa on the 18th. should i go train myself up? or just let nature take its own course? haha..

and i am still awaiting the production house reply.
sighhs.. hope i will get it you know.
anyway, later going out to help wei siang celebrate his birthday.
troublesome guy. don't want cheapo place. =x
ck agreed too haha.. especially since we are on tight budget now. =)

//if death is an easy way out, i would have taken this path 3 and a half years ago.//

Saturday, June 17, 2006 . 5:42 PM

went kbox with dear today.
he suggested it so fine lor. we went suntec and sing. hehe.
sang many many many songs.
songs that has never been tried before. hehe.
and i realise i cant hit too high notes. hahaha.
and he can hit real high notes. loL.

anyway, walked around after that.
then home.
i am so tired.
especially after sleeping only at 3am. haha.
my fault. coz i'm playing sims2. hehehe.
anyway, monday having fyp meeting.
to do interim evaluation and what are we supposed to do for the next few weeks etc..
it's also weisiang's birthday.
but i'm giving it a miss coz the plans are to sing kbox at nite.
which is a little late for me. hehe.
sorry lalang. =)

itp resume to be handed in by monday.
which i have yet to submit to meng lai's mail. haha. shall do it tonite.
need to get the pics from dear first.

i want school to start asap. hehe. =p

Friday, June 16, 2006 . 3:15 PM

I hate being home alone by MYSELF!
I hate MYSELF for falling so deep.
I hate MYSELF for loving you.
I hate MYSELF for missing you often.
I hate EVERYTHING.

I have enough of crying for the past few nights and even now.
And it all started from ME.
And it's all MY fault.
Yes. I'm unreasonable.
I'm never caring.
I'm never understanding towards you.
I add more stress to you.
And it's all MY fault.

Do you know how much it hurts having gastric on and off throughout the day?
No one knows. Not even you.
For I just kept it to myself.
Afraid my parents would nag about it.
Afraid you would worry more.
I'm suffering by myself.
I'm tolerating the pain till I sleep at night.
Do you even know?
*sighhs*

I'm having my own doubts about you.
I'm thinking negatively.
I'm scared.
Doubt we will be talking on the phone at night either.
Doubt you will have a chance to look at this post either.

I'm tired.
Really tired................................

Wednesday, June 14, 2006 . 9:52 PM

I've been reading my first entry up till now.
It's nice reliving these moments.
There were happy and sad times.
And it's nice thinking of the happy times I used to have.
The times where we 4 gals from 03 would go crazy, having our fun and laughter and crappiness.
The times where there's Shifu, Pat and Gerald around with us.
The times where Cher, Sher and I would take the same train and crapped through the journey.
The times where I read how I got to know dear and how the relationship started.
But everything has changed.

No more fun and laughter.
No more jokes.
No more crapping in the train throughout the journey.
Everything has changed.
Everyone's living in a world of our own.

Up till now, friends we no longer be.
Fun and laughter we no longer will have.
But I just hope *she will not have any regrets in the near future.
For the relationship in the past was a shaky one.
A relationship where tears were flowed almost everyday.
Just hope *she will really not regret one day.
Persuasion were of no help. Reality she'll face. Period.

As I move on, I looked into the kind of relationship we share.
One where I kept blowing hot and cold towards him and how he tolerated all these nonsense.
He's the second guy that can take all these nonsense from me.
And everytime I would just say sorry.
Even till now, I will still say sorry and thank you for tolerating all that nonsense. =)
Love you lots. =)

//missing you// i wish i had the money to go out.
i wish singapore weren't so small.
i wish i wasn't born in singapore.
i wish i am a more homely person.
i wish i can do all the things i badly wanted to.

but they are just going to be dreams.
they won't come true.

i'm dying from boredom.
i'm dying from everything.
i'm dying to start school asap.
i'm dying for a job.
which in turn money will then roll in.
but are these possible?
*sighhs*

i'm unreasonable.
i'm not perfect.
i'm a spoilt girl.
i'm over-sensitive.
i think too much.
i'm every negative and bad things you could think of.
and i'm thinking how long can this last.
another year?
less than a year?

i dare not dream of the future.
i dare not think of the past.
i dare not say my inner thoughts.
i dare not let my cries be heard.

*sighhs*

Tuesday, June 13, 2006 . 5:09 PM

just read finished a book titled "Behind Closed Doors".
A nice book I must say. Didn't know reading books are so interesting and could keep me free of my boredom.
Any more nice books to intro? Hehe.
It's time to start reading books again isn't it? Haha.. If I ever found a nice book that is interesting. Hehe..

I'm super duber uber bored now.
There really is nothing for me to do at home.. And there's like another week of holiday?
Argh.. I so wanna go shop. Coz it's GSS (Great Singapore Sale). But I'm short of money. How? =(
Having interim evaluation this thursday in school. Wonder what's that.
And maybe I should have plans after that? Hehe..

And NAPFA test has already been confirmed. Need to go train 2.4km. Anybody interested to join me for a run at the stadium? Lolz.. If there is, everyone is my family would be so surprised that I actually will go for a run. Hahaha..
It's good in some sense too. hehe. at least can burn some calories huh? Hehe..
And I actually learnt from joy. To weigh myself. hahaha. to see how much weight we would have actually lost. =p
And guess what? I have lost about 1 to 1.5kg. hehe. Shall weigh every month and see the difference. Hehehe..

Monday, June 12, 2006 . 3:55 PM

went back school with dear to help ck grp in their filming. as calafare only.
but still, we took the chance to do itp survey too.
*they were there too.
and if i had known earlier, i would have rejected ck to help out.
but well, he doesn't know too. so forget it lor.
as we left, people wanted to talk to dear. but we left anyway.
suspected it got to do something with *that incident.
that's why we left.
coz if anyone were to bring up *that incident, i dono how i will take it.
not to mention *her?
funny thing is. why look for dear?
what's the motive?
to ask him to talk to me and change me?
too bad! no way is he going to change me too.
i seriously don't know what those people are thinking.
niether do i want to know what those freaks are thinking.
coz i have told myself.
if someone can pretentiously act as your friend, it's not even worth to have them as a friend in the past or in the near future.

i lied to dear that i'm not thinking about *that incident on the train just now.
sorry.
but it just makes me wonder.. why do they go look for you instead of me.
at the point of time, i really don't know who to trust.
i'm trying to shrug *that incident off my mind, but why must someone bring up *that topic again?
i really don't get it.
sighhs.

Sunday, June 11, 2006 . 11:57 AM

ytd went stadium. a last minute thing given to us but nevertheless, we still went down to take a new committee. like just suddenly pop out one de. but anyway, the live feed team was there.
and was told by jen to take the live feed team. and i seriously can't remember if we took them. haha.

it started raining heavily with thunderstorm and lightning at 12+. and the thunder was real loud.
joy said only those who have a guilty conscience will feel scared. haha. but i'm always afraid of thunder. especially if its so loud. =p

we left at about 1+ and the lazy me, upon reaching home feel like sleeping. but my mom was sleeping in my room. end up, i took my laptop and off i go to the living room to surf net.
oh, and i emailed one production house.
so hopefully, it's a smooth journey to there lar. hehe.

Friday, June 09, 2006 . 3:41 PM

Till the End

All this precious moment
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That’s holding me all night
I don’t know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
And I have a love so true
To hold to keep to share

In my heart
I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I’ll always be with you until the very end
In this world
There is no place I’ve never been
You are my life my soul my girl
And through the all
I know you come to see
That you are the one till the end
(We’ll always be till the end)

All my friends around me
Say you’ll be gone too soon
Baby I’m gona make them see
We’ll find out way back home

I feel this is quite a meaningful song, thus I posted up the lyrics. I don't know who sang it though. Hehe.

Suddenly, I had many thoughts running through me.
They aren't really negative lar. Just the me sinking deep into my own thoughts.
Dear would say I'm thinking too much for sure.
But I just want to continue thinking.
And praying that the day where he will be enlisted would not come so soon. (Even though I like to see him in his No.4 uniform)
So that I could have him by my side often.

However, that day will come.
And I will be alone.
No one there to hear me rant about my unhappiness.(If there is)
No one to lend me a shoulder to lean on.
I will need to learn to survive through his enlistment period.
I have to. For life doesn't stop when he's not around by my side.
I guess the most I can do when he's being enlisted is to get my closest friends to come out and chill a little while.

It might still be a little long to talk about him being enlisted.
But it's just a matter of a few more months.
As it is, the days are already passing so quickly.
It's just only a matter of time now.

**So dear, don't worry when you see all these. I'm not thinking anything bad. Okay? =)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006 . 7:16 PM

went to eat seoul garden with dear today.
as planned after our interim.
thankew dear. =)

certain stuffs i have learnt to let go.
yea. i'm someone who can let go easily. towards friendship.
coz i have think through things.
i won't bother about such friendship anymore.
it isn't worth it.

dear was even afraid i would not enjoy the seoul garden coz of this whole thing.
but he is wrong.
coz I will never let this thing affect anything.

and i have realised one thing.
i seem to have matured.
that is why i can think like that now.
as we move on, we need to realise that nothing in this world is perfect.
no relationship is 100% perfect.
not all frenz whom you are close to are those who truly know you deep inside out.
i have learnt all these.
and i will survive well..
under the craziness of produzione-ians.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006 . 4:11 PM

it's time to move on.
i have no wish to comment on anything now.

it's time to move on to reach a greater height.
hate me all you want. I don't care.
Nobody cares.
It's time to move on.

Joy and dear: Don't worry. I'm alright. And it won't affect the way we will work. Coz we are
Produzione-ians. We will show others what we are capable of, right? =) Like what Joy has said, time to prepare ITP resume. To study for tests. And most importantly, to enjoy ourselves before the hectic lifestyle comes back to us.

Monday, June 05, 2006 . 5:18 PM

Interim is over! woohOO~~
Was quite nervous and kept stuttering when rehearsing my part. But it got better during the actual presentation.
Maybe because the atmosphere wasnt that tense this morning? Hehe..
The judges were quite nice, I must say.
However, there were critiques too. But not that bad overall. Hehe. =)
Hopefully, give us our As and B+s man. hehe.

Anyway, I thought I can enjoy life for now.
But this wasnt the case. There is still e-learning to go.
As well as to practice ACAN practical and read AAUP notes.
What a nice holiday.
Well, its a 3 weeks holiday. Should I start looking for a part time job? Hehe.. Or should I just stay home and slack?
And Sentosa trip for the 5 crazy Produzione-ians will be on Tuesday.
Right after Xiao Wei comes back from Malaysia. Hehehe.. We shall have fun tanning and playing. =)

Friday, June 02, 2006 . 11:37 PM

tired. dead beat now.
prepared for interim.
i have the shortest speech coz i didn't quite noe how to elaborate. haha.
but..

i did it anyway. and joy approved. hahaha.
i'm a clever little girl. hehe..
anyway, 3 more days to interim.
let's count down. =)

and one main important thing.

I am proud to be a Produzion-ian. Hehehe..