Monday, May 30, 2005 . 8:48 PM

first day of school:

am I excited or what? why I wake up damn early man. first in the house lo. anyway, met my fren for school.. den met up with aiwee for gems. dono why aiwee come can see sher they all le, I come also cant see. haha.. that's the difference between tall and short people I guess.lOlz.. quite alright lar my gems.. cracked brain alot.. I like it! haha..

first lesson of the day: DEUI tutorial. so fun manz.. haha.. the lecturer is my PTN. INdian guy. Not bad larh. can joke also.. haha.. den choose class rep.. shawnybOi sabo wormy(class rep) and phui yung(asst.class rep). LoLz.. den DEUI mass lecture ar 17B. first time mass lecture eh.. haha.. not bad larh.. the DEUI lecturer damn funny lar can.. crack stupid jokes.. and is really stupid lor.. LOlz..

break went back fc6 eat. maybe shall only drink from tml start.. haha. abit bored of eating le.. hehe.. anyway, CANI not bad.. forgot alot or MORG stuffs.. den need requiring help from kenny ong and the other lecturer.. forgot his name larh.. haha.. whole time only me and wz needed help.. or only me?? wahaha.. anyway, went home myself.. sianz....

and yes. there is no VIDP lecture tml.. and whole of DMMT 2A03 don have to go school on wed! woohOO!!

Saturday, May 28, 2005 . 11:59 PM

I'm so gonna hate staying in the house now.
Just wanna be freed from all the not-my-fault-but-ended-up-got-scolding-for-nothing kind of scoldings. What for?
Why other people can eat as a family but not us? What's all the comparisons for?
It's a weekend, why can't I sleep longer since during the weekdays I gotta wake up like so damn early?
Don't they know I'm very very tired? Even if I managed to sleep at 11pm, I will still wake up about 10+ to 11+am.
No one can and never will know how shagged I'm feeling inside.
It's not very nice to have the shagginess feeling you know? It will just make me feel like giving up everything. When you are really feeling damn damn shagged and tired, all you want will be is to sleep. And not caring everything rite?? I'm one of those kind. But who will understand?
Why do people always claim they understand me when they don't even know what I wanted??
I have my own thinking. You wanted me to work, fine, I found job during the hols. Now, you're scared I can't cope when school starts and told me to quit, fine, I quit. And just in a fit of your anger, you started saying that I should earn money to support the family now?? How contradicting!
I don't mind working since I'm gonna be so short of money for myself. A weekly allowance of $40. $5 every week for handphone bills, $10 every week to top up my ez-link for bus fare and I'm like left with $25?? How ironical.
Adults just don't keep their promises. Always. Don't even know why I will be so dumb as to believe everything.
-pissed off-

And I hate assurances now. Not that I'm hinting anything. But I came to realise that assurances are like sort of promises that no one can predicts if it will come true. How many of the assurances people give actually came true? It's like 1 out of 10 kind of thing. The future is hard to foresee. *sighs*
Am I losing faith in myself??

Friday, May 27, 2005 . 5:20 PM

damn pissed off today with someone..
really pigbrain de lor.. cannot use his human brain and think de..
right from the start of FO camp, SAFETY has been highly STRESSED!! and yet one of the station today just couldn't care for the SAFETY of the freshies. Maybe because that he's using a pigbrain to think..

Not that I wanted to say he got a pigbrain. But, where got people play game till like that one? (those dono details den nvm. ask those who noe de.. or next time ask me..)
damn pissed off lar.. and wooHoO! my group won the scavenger hunt today. though we won, I'm still pissed by that pigbrain guy. mei tou mei nao one!

anyway, really hadn't talked to him for days. I know he wants to noe the reason, but so what even if I said my reason? We can't forsee what happens. Just take it that I'm thinking too much. And let me just pray that nothing will happen ..

Thursday, May 26, 2005 . 11:33 AM

I just find that I'm not a good girlfriend to him.
Always blowing hot and cold towards him. Tell me, where got gf like that one?
*sighs*
See each other too often also not good. Don't see each other then he sad. But as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Dono also lar. Dono what the hell I'm thinking also lar.

I just noe that even if I'm cold towards him, I will still miss him at the end of the day. It's all about mentality.
*sighs*

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 . 9:11 PM

these few days busy with the freshman orientation programme.
so fuN! hehe.. can finally interact with the freshies! woohoO!
was in charge of DMMT/1A/04 and sher is 03. HAha.. quite fun larh. they were kinda quiet at first but today.. hehe..
went kfc for lunch today with some of the 0304 gals. they so fun lor. but actually they knew each other before hand( cox of camp lar) and they sat with the guys cox mostly all add up is from the group BULLSHIT! wahAHA

anyway, today was great! lOlz.. I kana sabo alot of times by the freshies from my class and sher also lor! thank man..
then come to ending le, worst! kana sabo for nothing with michelle tan. we two so damn poor thing lor... for nothing den kana pulled in do forfeit. and the forfeit is banana dance. wtH! anyway, glad to see the 0304 class able to talk now.. hahaha.. =)

and I still cant see my fren from biz!! so sickening..

Sunday, May 22, 2005 . 11:58 PM

came back not long from my cousin's wedding dinner.
went to her house last nite to sleep cox gotta wake up damn early the next day which is today.
I'm one of her jie meis. hehe. with a 3 of my another cousin. then we followed the bride whole day to her new home, den take scene shot den go the husband's house den back to tampines again. so tired man but worth it.
And I got $32 from today's work. Haha.. not much though but that's enough. =)

Anyway, see my cousin today so sweet den I started thinking things again. Haha. But it's positive things. Lolz.. anyway, I'm tired le.. gonna sleep now I think.. tml shall edit the pics I took today. Hehe..

Friday, May 20, 2005 . 12:16 PM

Ok let's see..

been to camp since monday and was back yesterday.
damn shagged man.. things didn't go as planned and everything was haywire but nevertheless, I think everyone enjoyed the camp.

1st day:
Some of the freshies damn quiet lor. We(seniors) so high they so low. lOlz.. sad lEhz.. Oh ya, and I saw the shuai-ge sher has been talking about. Not bad looking eh.. hehe.. then I saw another one that is not bad looking too. hehehe... and there's this damn attitude prob gal everyone's(seniors) talking about. She came with a trolley bag as if going on holiday and sprained her ankle or whatever and people gotta carry her trolley for her.. wTH! then battle royal. ended at abt 2am. den supposedly night walk but in the end don have. things cropped up. so last min cancelled. first ICT camp without a nite walk. haiz.. den debrief abit then go slp at 5+ going 6am. so tired man..

2nd nite:
got shim nite! woohOO! so nice the shim. So 'pretty' eh they all.. haha.. cherokee's grp and hi-5's grp were very sporting.. =) especially cherokee's! den thought can slp le cox end at 1+am then who noes, debrief till 3+am.

3rd day:
Sentosa. Played nice and fun games there. And I think no one expected the sky to be so clear by early afternoon.. Make me kana sunburnt again. Got stations but was found slacking haha.. cox they all knew I got sunburnt so asked me go shade lor. and sher got sunburnt too! she's damn red! hahaha.. and many freshies got burnt too.. poor freshies.. but as long as they got the fun! hehe..
Nite:
disco nite. cool man. got one guy almost did breakdance. Or did he do it when I went up to bunk and sleep?? hahaha.. Don't even know the details of this one.. Lolz.. cox I sleep early and left sher alone.. sorry ah sher! hehe..

Anyway, I'm soo tired that I'm just lazy to type everything. Hehe.. This year FOC certainly had a lot of nice guys and pretty gals.. hAHa.. mummy interested in knowing any gals?? hehe..

Sunday, May 15, 2005 . 11:19 PM

went jurong swimming today.
had great time!
got sunburnt! OMG!
my body's red.
BUt xinyan's even worst! haha.. she's like a lobster.. lOLz..

met yuwen at jp at 4pm I think. bought cake for xinyan.
nice nice.. yumyum. hehehe.. den go jp walk walk.. walk till 7+ wait for yuwen fren to come then we go home le.
fell asleep on the train. must be darn tired.
tml still got camp. sianz..
and my aunt visit came on wrong day. how sad..

i miss my dear.. alot..
guess he will noe..
so many spies for him.. wahaha.. ooPZ.. lolz..

keke.. gotta go.. don miss me people.. =)

//I'm down with a flu//

Saturday, May 14, 2005 . 11:36 PM

thurs:
went for the prep camp. gotta be in school by 10am. so early lor.. and I only slept at about 3am!! Can you imagine how long have I been sleeping only? *yawns*
reached school, all not ready yet. Most of the GLs were late. 45 mins LATE!!! They are not like some big shot or whatever lo. Sickening! Then after that, alvin and chalk started briefing about the MAD 2. Brief finish go have our lunch then set off at 12pm. Then we set off with Willy the rest and alighted at our stations. Sian.. reach cuppage, nothing to do. Tried to find pool table to play for an hour also cannot find. So in the end, me, joe and huiyee sat at the s-11 there and talk.. then hungry go buy food and eat. wahaha.. untill chalk, alvin and yap came over to find us. then later rudy, joseph and brandon. We wait there like so long lah can? Juz imagine sitting there from 12.30pm to 3+. That's when the GLs acting as campers came to find us. They damn slow lor.. haha.. sitting infront of them only also cannot see us.. haha.. so lousy! Somemore debrief can complain say we sit at a place where it's so difficult to find. WTH! Anyway, after no more groups can le, went to walk with chewling, liping, waicheng, huiyee, joe and willy. then huiyee left cox she sick. then after walking till abt 5 or 6+ den go back school. And there's so little people cox they go buy food together.. Anyway, after this, sang camp songs. Didn't really sing much. All sing before le.. haha. then before they end the camp song, they did the bili banja. damn violent sia! lolz. After that was battle royal. Was under HQ with alvin,brandon and michelle.( dono which michelle also. So many michelle there haha.) That game seems fun to me. hehe. Then after battle royal was night walk. Not a proper nightwalk cox everyone were tired. So we were separated into the 2 routes that we have and walked in big groups. (plus, there weren't enuff manpower too) Then debrief again on battle royal and nightwalk. After that, can go bathe and sleep le.. and by then, I was so tired I slept at abt 4+ to 4+ haha. coz got mosquito bite me. Then changed location and sleep. Who noes, I cant even sleep, cox there are even more mosquitos biting me. Then after that since really can't sleep, went to find them and played games with them lor. They played the MRT game, johnny whoosh, my aunt died last nite etc. So fuN! haha. some of them cant even get it. lolx.. Then 6+ went home le.
On the way somethings happened. Don't even wish to say. All I hoped was little understanding. But there seemed to be none. Already wish that without me saying anything, we are able to guess what we are thinking but it doesn't seem to work! *sighs*
If only.. If only..

fri:
felt sick soon after I reached home. so I sleep till 11+ den dad bring me go see doc take MC. (coz I told my mom that nv go work must produce MC) then came home eat lunch then go back sleep again. Sleep till 6+ I must have not been feeling well I think. Else there's no reason I can find to sleep whole day no matter how tired I am. Anyway, after wake up, did nothing much. watched my tv and stuffs den at 11pm go back sleep again. By then my head was hurting so much until I 2am wake up go find panadol then eat my medicine again then lie on the sofa. was so pain that I couldn't even lie properly then suddenly I just slept peacefully again. slept till morning then go back room to sleep.

today:
met eling at 2pm to go see got wad cake can we by for xinyan. then later decide till we call yuwen cox we dono wad cake she want and shun bian ask if her period come liao not.. so sad larh. she come already lor. cant go swimming with us. =( thus we decided to see how the situation goes first. then later hungry, went kfc eat and talk.. oh man! gossip alot.. haha.. so bad.. how how? aiyah, dont care. haha. we are like that lolz.. then went isetan. she wanted buy swimming costume den end up we buy some clothes there. Haha.. cheap so buy lo.

then 4.30pm, went to meet von, do and weijian. turnout was bad. but nvm. dono where to go with 4 people so just took a train and go lor. den alvin called say he just woke up. -_- pighead! haha.. then anyway, we go marina wait for him.. so fun! hehe.. that do and von ah, keep saying i eat so little.. =( lolz. . full liao cant take in le marh. hahaha.. anyway, had an enjoyable day today.

darn. It's raining heavily now.. how how?? tml will rain anot? hope not..

Tuesday, May 10, 2005 . 11:49 PM

ok. my stomach has been hurting since early morning.
and yup, my old maid went back this early morning taking the 7.50am flight.
and soon after, my new maid came at 10+ and thankz alot, my mom they went hospital to visit my dad's fren.
luckily they came back at 11+ hehe.
and I continued playing and waiting for my sisters to come back before the whole family had lunch. and worst is, I started eating first but ended up I ate finish the last. Ooo.. how sad man. haha.. coz.. 1) My stomach is pain. Siao one.. awhile pain awhile not pain. 2) I scalded my tongue not long ago only. wahaha..

time today has certainly passed by very fast. which is maybe good.
and today I definitely don't even have the mood to work cox my stomach hurts alot. But I went anyway.

back to the same issue. I definitely don't even want tobe reminded of the same thing over again when I'm on the track of forgetting it.
*sighs* And I definitely ain't got the mood to talk on the phone or whatsoever. Let alone to sms.
Well, it seems that my hp has certainly become nothing to me. Haha. Seldom touch my hp nowadays. Lolz.. And I definitely seldom smses him nowadays too. (*tsk tsk* if you seldom touch your hp, would you even notice if there is any msges? haha!)

alrights. everyone's asleep now. And I doubt so I can sleep. How to sleep when your tummy hurts? =P

1 more day to sher's bday! hehehe..
3 more days to 2e5 outing
4 more days to wild wild wet with the gals(if not raining, if rain den go town walk walk lor. =P)

Sunday, May 08, 2005 . 11:11 PM

Can't understand why some people rather choose to hate their mother just for the tiniest tweeniest thing like scolding.
Even though my mother used to scold me so frequent and alwys for nothing also find fault with me, I admit, I'm pissed off but I don't hate her.
*sighs*
What's becoming of the world teenagers??
Is only love and eternal love circulating around them?
*sighs*

Cried myself to sleep last night. Cried real hard.
Really wondering what's wrong with me.
I admit I'm tired and I'm pushing myself over my limit now.
Far off limit. Now just taking a look at my calendar, I don't even have the time to go out with sher they all to celebrate her birthday.
It's all full. Sorry sher!
But, this is only the starting off my overlimits.
It hasn't really surpassed the days when the 'O' levels are near.

One last thing to say..
I'm sorry.. to whoever you are.
Though you guys are not angry with me, I am angry with myself.
Maybe I'm just not fated to live in reality but in dreams.
Simplicity is what I yearned for.
But maybe I'm borned to be someone full of complexity?
This is a battle between me and myself.
I need to fight against my own life and my personality. or maybe even my character too.
My personality and character has certainly won the battle against my own life.
I have lost!
Are things really that simple as it looks?
I need someone to knock real hard sense into my head. To clear everything inside me.
Not him definitely.

-goner-

Saturday, May 07, 2005 . 11:23 PM

couldn't be bothered attitude.
that's me.
so just don't ask why I got this attitude now.
explained to some people already and just don't wish to explain further on.

just feel that life is rather contradicting now.
a moment I wish someone will be here for me.
and yet another moment I don't wish for anybody to be by me.
some guesses it's the cause of the results that I got this attitude.
Prolly yes and prolly no.
I don't know infact.
Come to think of it, it's dumb thinking of the results when you have already got it. It's totally and utterly stupid.
But I just don't even know why I can just wake up in the middle of the night in tears. It's sounds stupid. But sad to say, I couldn't even be bothered about myself, let alone be bothered what others are doing.

Maybe because of certain support that you know will always be there, I just seem to have lost my individual self. I've learnt to be independent at least a bit, but slowly with the support, I just don't seem independent anymore.
Well, life's like that. So contradicting.
Everything is just an illusion. A dream. A world that is full of contradictions and illusional thoughts.

Though I tend to keep more things to myself, have anybody ever or even thought why do I do that? Well, if my guess is correct, the answer is No one has ever thought about it before.
I ain't gonna say why I keep things more to myself than saying out. Maybe someone knows. Well, that someone seems close to me in the past but I think we have been drifting apart.
And maybe and I have thought of deleting this blog as it seems useless to me or shall create another one with more to my personal feelings? Shall see how it goes.

Maybe.. maybe I just want to be alone for these few weeks and enjoy myself.
If.. if only I could.
The someone has certainly knocked abit of sense into me, but maybe I just can't bring myself to accept it... Maybe..
everything is a mAybe...

Friday, May 06, 2005 . 3:27 PM

*sighs*
called jen ang and then she told me the vacancies for MMMI has exceeded.
And I can only look her up again during the first two days when school reopens to see if she's able to squeeze in some more students anot.
darn! everything is so damn freaking wrong.

I just wanna sleep that's all. Or maybe I should just quit my job now.
Yup, even though I needed the money to support myself, I somehow can't stand the shagginess in me.
Well, why do I need to support myself when I am taking allowances from my parents?
Reason being, I need to buy lotsa things.
Wanna get a MP3, a portable hard disk, and most probably a laptop?
Not very sure about the laptop though. But I really need a portable hard disk.
Of course, I will need to save up for the future too.
Gonna save as much money as possible. So I won't be afraid when times are bad, you know?
Call me a workaholic who just needs money badly.
My budget's running low too. And I can't possibly ask my parents for money every now and then could I?

I have too many things on my hand. Below are the details:
12 May: Pre-camp (stay overnight in school)
13 May: Go home den go for work
14 May: 2e5 outing (not confirm yet)
15 May: Gathering cum birthday celebration with eling, xinyan and jiangshu.
16 to 19 May: FO Camp
19 May: Briefing for FOP
20 or 21 May: work/2e5 outing (if on the 14 May we can't make it)
22 May: Cousin wedding
24 to 27 May: FOP
30 May: Sch reopens
It's like so many things going on consecutively.
*sighs*

Argh! Gonna have a mentally and physically breakdown man!
Where is the time to rest??
I don't even want people come telling me that: "Hey, relax yourself and no use stressing and working like hell."
I will just brush off comments like that man. And who knows, I may just get pissed off.
Not trying to hint anything but well, I'm just like that.
If there's a need to blame, blame it on the way the government or should I say, the Ministry of Education to have this kind of educational arrangement, where prestigious schools can have the thru-train services, the modifications of languages, the must for the future polytechnics to start school at the same time and many more.
It's like what the hell can?

Thursday, May 05, 2005 . 12:58 PM

alright! I passed all my papers! wooHoO!
does this call for a celebration? the answer is NO!
why? cOZ I ain't satisfied with what I got.
Well, could just say that pass is good already. But NO!
Do you expect something to turn out so bad when you spend tons and tons of time studying it?
to me, the answer is NO!
well, that's just me I suppose.

couldn't manage to sleep peacefully last night although I was too tired.
nervous you call it, huh?
who's not nervous anyway?

It's just pure luck that I scraped through my java. But, I badly want to change my elective now.
If you could just get a D- for java, why would you still want to take WWWP?
If you got a B for digital audio, and between WWWP and MMMI, who wouldn't want to go to the elective which they will do better in it instead of flunking or scraping through something you totally can't understand?
Tell me, who will?
Maybe a wrong choice I chose the other time. *sighs*
If only I could change my elective.
If only..
*sighs*

starting to feel sick and tired of everything now.
sick of being online cox no one's online.
tired of being online cox it's just a waste of time. (but I'm still online!)
why do people go online?
to chat about things of coz! But what if there's no one to chat with?
everything is like so contradicting.
call it excuses or whatsoever.
I just couldn't be bothered about anything.
And I say, anything and everything.
and I couldn't be bothered with my life too.
*sighs*
what on earth am I thinking man?
oh whatever.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005 . 11:09 AM

last nite met dear and mummy at tampines de BK. They very idoit de lor. Talked about me. *hmph* keep suaning me also. so mean
then after that went LJS eat. very hungry. hehe. and the weather is darn hot.
after eat finish, go to bedok supposedly by right to take 401. but dono why by left, we are not fated to take bus 401 coz it only operates on weekends and public holidays. wahaha
so no choice we took a cab down to east coast park

reach there, actually not much ppl larh. still ok. den weixin they say want to cycle. so they went to rent a bike and started cycling then those who never cycled, played card games. the card games yesterday, I was damn lucky. haha then not long after, the lecturers started coming. then everyone were busy asking if got people fail anot. haha. poor jen ang lolz. anyway, had bbq marshmellows. nice manz. hehe.

anyway, abt 10pm my dad came to fetch me home. then my dad sent dear to mrt station. came home haha, watched tv den go bathe. gonna miss 3 days of episodes of the 10pm show. sadist.
now am damn bored. lolz.. later still got work at 3pm. sianz.. today, tml and fri and sun work so long hours. *sighs*

Tuesday, May 03, 2005 . 1:12 PM

think I better update since it's been a few days I have done that.

actually there's nothing much to update.

I'm so feeling like mummy now. updating is like so bored. our stories ain't nice like others. It ain't that "happening" like others.

Anyway, talked about "happening". My house is so "happening" lately.
There's gonna be a change of maid. Think next week will arrive at our house.
There's gonna be frequent quarrels in the house due to some family thingys from my dad side.
There's so gonna be lots of shoutings and scoldings going on.
Darn it! I just couldn't stand any of these.
Well, I don't even know who to side with. Maybe just gonna sit on the fence.
But luckily for me, I'm spared from all those shoutings and scoldings coz I'm gonna work from the late afternoon till night. Thank God my ears are spared! haha

My room's in a hell of mess. All created by my 2nd sis. From all her books in my mom's room, all bring to my room and study and do when she got a table of her own! And just so because I'm not using my room table that frequent now. dUH! but well who cares? As long as she cleared away her things before she goes to sleep then it's okay. Haha. well, I just love to complain lately. Haha. Dono for wad reason. Lolz..

Shall be going for 01 class bbq later. Might think that I'm 03 why am I going to 01 class bbq rite? haha. reason is so darn simple! Coz my dear 01 mah. which he say is cleverer than 03. well I disagree man! Hahaha.. Well who cares? lOlz.. keke.

Next sunday shall go out and have fun! Maybe suntanning? hahaha.. depends on my gals.. =)
hope to see all of them next sunday! =)