Sunday, March 27, 2005 . 11:29 PM

today went dear house. watched my 1/2 yuan fen(recorded de) and den do stsc. well, hehe.. glad to say 2 assignments are down le.. left with audio. hopefully can do finish by wed. yup. sure can. got special help. wahahha.. anyway.. did nothing much lah.. play. relax. edit codes. online. haha.. quite slack. but next wk start, cannot slack le. must study. video so many things to read. audio also. *sighs* how? then java still got stupid interview.. waste of time only..

haiz.. tml wad time to go sch? don't even feel like going. like waste of time only.. haha.. but gotta hand in java.. wad the hell... but hand in le also good la.. one load less.. hahaha.. don need to face the java codes everyday. It's driving everyone MAD! and I mean it!! =P

everyday is like normal day to me. nothing changes. well, only thing is maybe in the arms of my dear.. hehe.. =)

//miss ya//

Saturday, March 26, 2005 . 8:17 PM

hasn't been blogging for long.. haha.. shall summarize everything up.
24/3 (thurs) - boring. had lessons as usual. only thing is I did my java during pract. haha.. what a miracle! hehe.. then after that had general meeting for FOC. last till 8pm. *sighs* the programs will be gonna be like the FOC I went! dUH! anyway, before taking bus home, went to buy kfc eat. lunch and dinner also had kfc. haha.. so fat!!!

25/3 (fri) - go mummy house do java. met dear at city hall den met up with weixin, irwin and mummy at hougang point before going mummy house. hehe... den weixin met up with jianda to pass his b-dae presents and all. *sighs* love is really blind.. but no matter what, hope she is happy with her choice. =) go there do java till can die.. haiz.. dono why.. like damn tough. plus my codes are different from spicer's. *sighs* hope the interview part i can pass manz!

26/3 (sat) - finally can say my java is done. but one thing is I don't really noe how to explain. how?? manz.. heck la.. interview is on thurs.. slowly bahz. hehe.. and hehe.. I'm only left with stsc storyboard and audio. hope by mon can finish. den can study le.. =)

Wednesday, March 23, 2005 . 10:42 AM

b.o.r.i.n.g.d.a.y
now can start to clear leave liaoz.. hahaS. den next week see happy go school lor. not happy don go lor.. haha.. so simple. cant stand the maths lecturer manz. don't even noe what the hell he teaching le lahz. I just catch no ball lor.. until josel voice out everything. 3 cheers! =) coz before that I don understand then was asking them why like that only to get cut off by that monster lecturer. pig siaz.. but shan't becox of this, i hate maths. wahahaha..

later he coming to my house. =( later everybody talk to him again. so saddening de lor.. must be he give them dono eat wad medicine that's why. haha.. so bad right? shuang le lor. win over my parents and sisters le.. *hmph* haha..

boring!! boring!! boring!! tml still got welfare meeting. sianz.. gonna stay out late again. =(

Monday, March 21, 2005 . 9:54 PM

sianz.. lately no mood to study.. examz in another 2 weeks time. haiz.. zhe me ban? den after examz got camp things to settle and freshman orientation also. Haiz.. busy busy busy... how how how???

today nothing much. only felt sleepy during maths. haha. as usual lahz.. lolz.. den uncle lau lesson also very fun. hehe.. me and jo suan him.. haha.. so fun! *sighs* seldom me, jo, weizhen and kp have lunch together le.. our schedule are: mon -me and jo. tues - me, jo and wz. wed - me, jo and wz den respective le. thurs - me and jo. fri - me, jo and wz. why like that de.. she also seldom eat with us le.. no! is never eat with us le. =(

hnn.. things are not bad today. =) at least got talk. well, hope wad kf say is correct lahz. everything will be fine the next day. =) my good GL. good brother. haha..

Sunday, March 20, 2005 . 9:38 PM

well, maybe don't they or they will never treat me as their fren le, I guess so. Everything seems to be so weird? can't describe that feeling. yi ge hen mo shen de ren. mo shen de lu. (unfamiliar people and roads) But no matter what, I still treat them as my frenz. I cherish my frenz more than anything. Maybe they won't agree to it coz of all that has happened. It depends on their thinking. People say that once in a relationship, we will have the tendency to neglect our frenz. Is that true? Have been trying to balance out relationship and friendship. But guess I failed. My friends of 10yrs or since sec1 would have agreed that I treasure friendship more than relationship. They would have known I hate loneliness and being left-out. If only someone can understand. Have tagged on their tagboards. But it isn't the complete one though. *sighs*

Maybe what josel said was right. They could have been stressed up by assignments too. That's why they are feeling this way. And I could have been feeling lousy cox I felt that I have been left out by them? Everyone are not in their best of their moods coz of those stupid assignment deadlines. Thus, no one is right or wrong. And I don't even want to think I'm right. What josel said really makes sense alot. If things went wrong, we should solve it as soon as possible instead of dragging it to make things worse. What could I do if I spoke up but no one listens?

Lately everyone's been like that.. or are they busy with their things? *ponders*
Even when I try to talk to mummy, he also never reply.. haiz.. what is it that has changed? Me being in a relationship that has changed everything? Really dono at all.. I just wish things to be as last time. But maybe since things have come to this state, there's no turning back or anything at all. Maybe I have given in more to my own relationship than friendship. *sighs* But if I have a choice, I would rather give up my own relationship even if it means hurting the one I like. =(

//gives up all hopes of having back a lost friendship//

Friday, March 18, 2005 . 5:35 PM

boring. tired. sleepy. *shrugs*
read panda's blog.
well, one thing to say.. life probably is just so unfair to her.
been the so-called bad gal in sec 1 to a sudden great change at the end of the yr.. I can really say that this fren of mine has certainly changed alot. Even to the last yr of secondary sch life, she has really concentrated on her studies, and her favourite netball. history also. she's the one who ='s really very enthu and into those. but seeing her having to give up netball, it's really a pity.
She brought ES netball to what they are today now. But what is God giving her back? Is this fair? //well, Jes, if you see this.. don't give up ok? Still can find your netball khakis and have training also. To build up and maintain urself. AlrightS? =)

manz. skipped one whole day of lessons. so siao lor.. skali get warning letter I am the first to die. Haha.. But think attendance is marked also la.. our class rep so good. hehe.. I want go javA lessonS!! So I can complete my java game asap. Haha.. abit dumb lahz.. lOlz.. but jAva seems fuN. I mean it.. hehe.. But I found it too late. Else if starting I will have listened in class le.. now abit late la.. =P *sighs*

//if things will take a turn for the better. Had enough of being transparent..//

Thursday, March 17, 2005 . 11:50 PM

I'm just tired of everything now.
Really hasn't been feeling quite well after since I fell sick.
Never had a good dinner for one whole week.
Only had a great rest last night. Slept damn early!! Was sick I guess. Head was spinning till can burst.. then wanted to eat dinner, but ended up vomitting before eating. Haiz..
And now, there's so many many problems. Maybe there's no way of solving this problem. Things has already turned out this way. What can I do to solve it? //searching for the answer deep in my dreams//

my hopes, my confidence are getting lower day by day. I need to build them up! I'm getting demoralised day by day. Felt as though I'm like wearing a mask to school everyday. I may be happy on the surface. But deep inside me, there are deep deep thoughts that I never showed. There are anger, frustrations and stress juices building up inside. But I controlled them all. Until today, I really break down. Till now, my head is starting to spin again. Just like yesterday. *sighs* at this rate I'm working, I will definitely go crazy. I will definitely break down. I will definitely fall sick or even be sick everyday. *sighs*

//If only I wish I could end my life just now. //

Wednesday, March 16, 2005 . 2:27 PM

Really has been wondering if I'm transparent in their eyes. hAiz.. see me like never see me like that. Thus, it has sort of add to how I'm seeing them in my own eyes too. Transparent people. Why has things become like that? Is it being in a relationship means spending less time with frenz etc? If that's really the case, I would rather choose to step out of one relationship. But I just think that this is not the case. Was it they don't have the mood to talk? or what? It just makes me ponders. Every action seems to prove that everything's getting further now. And I really mean everything.

It's amazing how things changes so fast. Truely amazing. From frenz to strangers. How is this possible? Well, I just don't know the answer to this. It's just that strange. It's a wonder that things are turning out this way. Tell me why... No one is at fault I guess. But it's just probably the thinking, the mindset that human has - When you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you won't need your good friends anymore. This is life I guess. *shrugs* To me, this kind of thinking will and never will come across me! Reason is plainly simple. Friends always take a higher priority than your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's always been like that since sec 3. *sighS* What can I do to change this event?

//Why has things turned this way?//

Monday, March 14, 2005 . 10:28 PM

So lifeless these few weeks going to school. So many problems I guess. Had to face this and that. Quite tired of it le. See certain people haiz.. dono what to say also. One phrase: Don't just think about yourself!! And partly felt quite lifeless going to school also cox of some other problems. Only some people know about it. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive bahz. Don't know also. Had some advice on it too. Thankz people!

today lessons were definitely great. haha. everyday lessons are fUN! especially got uncle Lau lesson. hehe. very nice. then anna phang today so comical. hehe. drew comic gal and boy on the board. so cute. then the boy we request to draw uncle Lau(Mr Lau). She draw till very funny.. haha.. laugh like hell lor.. =) love unclE lAu lessons the best. hehe. =p

anyway, got 4/5 for the maths quiz. haiz, sianz.. the maths final test must get 80+ le.. hope can get bahz.. work harder lor. no choice. den after that spend almost 30 mins to discuss whether to go for the maths remedial anot.. haha.. in the end I went. lolz.. lucky got weizhen and tziyun. hehe.. anyway, went back home with tziyun. hehe. talked alot to her about certain things.. =P

sianz.. tml still need edit video.. haiz.. =( then he think also falling sick le.. take care leh dear.. ok? miss you lots..

//missing you//

Sunday, March 13, 2005 . 9:30 PM

miss you miss you miss you miss you...
why didn't I really just say out how much I miss you that day? *sighs*
been java-ing for these few days. to kill my time away. rather than sleeping.
supposedly to watch tv last nite till 1+am but fell asleep at 11pm.
too tired I guess. hehe.

guess now I'm typing this, he's on his way back home from sentosa. I wanna go sentosa toO! I miss the ICT gang going there to have fun! when can we actually go again? *shrugs* no one will care also lahz. all too busy to plan for an outing again. =(

something's definitely not right with that mummy of mine. Something fishy is going on. It's the first time seeing him put such a nickname in mSn. *ponderrs* But well, it's still up to him to say the truth. hehe. I'm still his nu er afterall.. lolx.. =p (PS: mummy ah, tell me la.. haha.. don't keep me in suspense manz!! hehehe..)

Friday, March 11, 2005 . 6:01 PM

bored. java.java and java. but at least i managed to get started with my game. =)
go fc6 eat.. end up nth to eat. 10mins eat wad? haha. i not josel they all wor. lolx..
hubert took over the java lecture today. taught arrays. so fun. hehe. till now, i still remember the codes worx. or izzit hubert teach clear? haha.

after sch went suntec with him and his gang peeps with weixin. went to the IT fair. ok la. managed to see what I wanted but dono if my parents will allow anot.. *ponders*
me, him, da-ge and weixin were together and then the irwin and weizheng dono go where also. so in the end the 4 of us went to sky garden wait for those 2 guys. then went home.

the journey home was quiet cox I didn't talk. I felt sad again. Maybe being alone with him changed the situation again. I can't be my normal self. =( I felt that I'm making him sad too. He asked what then can build up my confidence again. I seriously dono too. I only know that my confidence level is not easy to be built up. I'm one who is easily demoralized and one who can't pick up my confidence easily again. That's me. Is that unique? He asked if I needed a councillor. Well, do I need one when I got him, and mummy as councillorS? (they are student councillors in sec sch) haiz.. really dono la.. maybe I just need some time alone.

Thursday, March 10, 2005 . 10:08 PM

I felt lousy. I felt sad. reason being I dono why. has just been blowing hot and cold towards him. Can someone tell me why? *ponders*

I want to return to my ownself. Not the one now. I hate this!! Felt as though slowly and slowly, everyone's like drifting away. Felt very negative. Ever since that thing happen. It has been for 10 days or 11 days already. I shouldn't have cared much about that. I shouldn't have thought much about it. It's my fault for thinking so much about that thing. It kinda borught my confidence level down. What a contradicting person I am. Told him to have more confidence and here I am having little confidence. Haiz.. What should I do?? ]

Anyway, almost really flare up real high with him today. ALMOST! haiz, or is it he doesn't understand me as much as others? *shrugs* It just really isn't my character to be forced to say anything if I don't wish to. Maybe if he understands this point, it would really be great. At least that's what I supposed huh? Had an interesting day today. hehe. lessons were just great. only had audio and audio and java. no stsc.. hehe.. =)

Wednesday, March 09, 2005 . 10:32 PM

I'm terribly sick.. went to school for like 3 hours only den go home. took a cab home.. cox I just can't stand it anymore.. head spinning, nose blocked leading to difficulties breathing. called my mom den in the end she said my dad asked me to take cab home.. dot lahz.. he pei me go home cox he got 3 hour break. den after that he went back to school.
well, I went to see a doctor about 3+ in the afternoon and of coz I got an MC for today. coZ I didn't went for stsc test. manz.. my assignments gotta pull my grades!! must do well for last assignment le.. =) den when I came home, sleep all the way.. till 7+ den had dinner. haiz..

so bored. nothing to blog. only feeling very tired.. after taking the medicine.. *yuCks* hate to eat medicine.. but no choice..

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 . 5:55 PM

Sick again.. haiz.. just so suddenly the fLu just came to me.. but I'm still hyper today. haha.. went to sch damn early to go recording studio to film our video. then dono why when josel just came in, she damn high lor.. haha.. den film hao le, den we play the drum for fun.. wah, she damn good in her drumming can? lolz.. must teach me eh!! =p
another good thing is: my video finish filming le.. so happy.. haha.. only need to capture now and den edit.. =)
hmn.. still got wad.. oh ya, I cut my hair le.. haha.. after so many weeks of saying: "I'm going to cut my hair." and I cut it till.. like damn short.. hahaha.. first time eh.. LOlx.. anyway, everytime blog like kinda sian le.. everyday online also quite bored.. =(

Saturday, March 05, 2005 . 9:41 PM

I must have been MAD! Don't even know what wind blew over me to cause me to behave that way. I must have really scared her out of her wits. Haiz. don't even noe what happened to me too... Lately has been like that. Must have scared everyone also.

But the assignments has really been weighing me down alot alot. I just need a break but after the break, the stress and everything is still there. Haiz, what should I do? I know he wants the old Shuhui back. The one that crap with him and everything. Not the new Shuhui who out of a sudden just angry for nothing. Manz. really gotta go reflect on myself manz.

Tml need to do filming. Haiz. Another whole day gone. haiz.. shall have fun tml..

[Missing you]

Friday, March 04, 2005 . 10:47 PM

was quite sleepy cox slept at 1am last night rushing through stsc. buthen haven finish so today instead of doing java, I did my stsc. I'm just plain tired so maybe my mood tend to be abit wrong. sorry ah.. =p then 11am left school with wormy, teddy bear and shawnyboi. we going to tampines to do our cip. wah, kana bully by them. Haha.. as usual lah. alwys bullying the minority.. Lolx..

den when we reached the student care centre, it was already 12.30pm when we are supposed to be there at 12pm? haha.. then reached there, wormy and shawnyboi went to the other centre and fixed the computers and all, leaving me and teddy bear to clean up the place lor. after finishing cleaning up the windows, wiping etc, we were assigned to go to the other centre to help clean windows again. then helped shawnyboi and wormy. and most of the time those 3 guys are doing the work. hehe. with me asking lotsa questions. hehe.. yup, basically quite slack lahz.. lOlz

after that, at 6.50pm like that no people le so can go home lor.. haha.. then we walked back to interchange. kana bullied again. so sickening.. then those 3 actually wanted to pull me go those HDB block see soccer.. so dot. but I never.. haha.. not my type of sport I guess.. lOlx.. ended up i went home lor.. simple. hehe.. so today actually quite fun la.. haha.. but at the same time, I'm feeling stressEd!!! so many assignments to hand up.

Thursday, March 03, 2005 . 4:34 PM

pretty boring now.
slacking for like since 1.30pm? haha..
been having fun chatting online. haha.. dumb siaz.
anyway, figured out what I should do for stsc le. gonna stay up and finish rushing everything.
what a stupid thing to do.
and I feel like going back now.. haha.. but it's bad to skip class. haha. and it's not a bad thing to skip half an hour of lesson. hehe..
haiz, why so many assignments to finish up?

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 . 10:48 PM

I passed my java! hehe.. at least I pass la.. rather than a fail rite? hehe.. so happy.. anyway, reached school at 8.45am. noe wad? the maths lecturer haven start class yet.. he start only at 9am. wad the hell.. shud noe go later.. hehe.. then later kp wz all come le den we start using my foolscap paper to crap.. haha.. den had CD. end 30mins earlier. cox no more presentation le. next week den present again.. hehe..

den break, went FC6. go together with him cox josel going CCC. hehe.. today all free and easy.lOlz.. den after that we went to class lor. nth much. except that after the last lesson, we all go tampines with jo, wz, kp, jh, ck, kh and shawnyboi. jh, kp, wz and jh doing cip mahz, so me and him we nth to do go with them then after that he send me hme lor.. wad else? haha..

oh ya, today I'm sad again.. msged mummy again.. haha.. he so ke lian.. alwys find him grumble. lOlz.. but hao mummy is like that de.. hehe.. then i told him abt the thing ytd. and wad i told mummy too.. he didn't mind cox he understands this time. there's a reason to it. hehe.. anyway, tml got audio.. sian la.. first to do recording.. haiz..

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 . 5:50 PM

today go sch still feeling sad. just dono what I should tell him.. =( den halfwae in the train, mummy smsed me to tell me to tell him how I felt and all.. but haiz, still dono la.. quite in a dilenma at that time. then when reached dover, also dono how to strike up a conversation with him. all the way to school i still keep quiet. sorry ah dear.. make you worried so much..

den video practical, was typing one email to him. so I msged him and tell him to read it during his java practical time. then dono why suddenly he called. Don't wanna picked up. den mummy also called. ALso don't wanna picked up. coZ i nOe he will asked annSooN for help.. den till so many people came and tell me anNsOOn outside with him, so I go out lor. no choice. was outside and he talked but I just dono what to say.. until mummy talked to me.. den I just feel like crying.. but I don't wanna cry in front of him. It will make him even worried. So after he left, left with me and anNsoon outside, I just break down and cry lor. Think mUmmy also dono what to do with me.. hehe.. sorry ah mummy.. make you run go toilet take tissue paper. hehe.. plus, it's the first time I just cry infront of my mummy lor.. if say cry infront of alan, I still can lean.. =P but later lean on mummy, den rumours start flying again. so just bend down my head and cry.. den after that going to 11.30am le, then I cry finish. so i asked mummy go down for java first. but he never, then i take his hp and play. hehe.. and take pic also.. hehehe..

well, in any case, it's over now. gotta thank mummy alot.. really.. =) den after break, it's KP and JH again. haiz. felt so sad seeing KP crying almost everyday. =( worst part was when we halfway through java tutorial run out cox JH run away from KP. run till clementi the area there.. wah, very tired and hot siaz. hehe.. anyway, don't want say much.. but glad that they are okay le..
(PS: to JH, if you ever see this, don't keep making her cry la ok?)

**I'm so glad to have great friends by my side..**