Sunday, October 31, 2004 . 11:09 PM

my day today has been tired.. dono why.. ytd after offline, went to watch tv till 1.30am and den wanted to slp, buthen got one so big moth in my room so i dare not slp inside my room, in the end i end up in the living room sleeping.. till this morning abt 9 den i go back my room continue sleeping till 12pm.. haha.. exactly on the dot.. lolx.. after that went out.. with my mom, maid and two sisters.. went to bugis for a while and then go back home.. came back home watch tv.. den doze off halfwae.. haha.. till 10pm.. lolx.. so i've been sleeping most of my day today.. haha.. pig huh?

read my mummy blog.. *sob sob* haha.. sae i bo liao?? not i bo liao hor.. that is the truTH!! haha.. always play game and den neglect me.. lolx.. i want daddy!! haha.. well, mummy missing daughters.. haha.. well, think he sth wrong liaoz.. ppl ask him out sianz, nv ask also sianz.. haha, well thats life! so boring now! especially it's the holidays.. haha.. me also bored lorx.. lolx.. there is really nothing to do at all.. how? haiz..

sher's getting suspicious too.. haha.. well, seriously, there is nothing up manz! haha.. really..

[[. i've been lost. so lost in my own thoughts. dono what the hell am i doing.. haiz..]]

Saturday, October 30, 2004 . 3:08 PM

today felt so tired. . woke up at 8.30am cox later go gotta bring me sis to school at 9.30am. after sending her there, i came back home and slept again. slept till 12pm. haha. the most weird thing was, my mom don even bother to wake me up.. haha.. normally she 10+ will sae slp again ar.. and start calling me up. haha.. so shiok rite? lolx.. woke up watch liu xing hua yuan. well, what are the things that you will get after all the sacrifices that has been made to the one you like? hurt? a beautiful never ending story? i dono.. haiz..

bored now.. msn is d0wn.. sux la.. no mood to study for webp. quite worried about certain things now.. for CY, aug they all.. mon is 'O' liaoz.. wonder how's their preparation.. anyway, ppl are getting suspicious haha.. well, don understand den nvm. haha.. anyway, it's nothing important. hehe.. BUT still have to say, nothing's up lah.. haha..

**PS: mcNuggets story will be out soon, as claimed by wormy.. haha.. when it's up maybe can tell you guys.. lolx.. see what lame story he has come up with once again.

Friday, October 29, 2004 . 11:10 PM

just came home from the airport. went to send my dad off. he going to australia for army training.. or exercise.. i dono. haha.. after my dad got the boarding pass, we went to mac and eat.. so long never eat le.. haha.. plus lately have been eating fast food and all.. die! sure to gain weight.. haha..

anyway, took a bus back home. was sitting alone. so i fell asleep.. anyway, was too tired haha.. thats why.. couldn't blame me huh could you? lolx.. anyway.. so bored now.. my 'mummy' also so bored.. haha.. first time hear him complaining bored and tired to me.. lolx..


went out today. first to bugis to OG(A) to take my pay slip and then on the way my aunt went for the interview. haha. today doraemon at level 5.. lolx.. but anyway. thats not the main topic. hehe..

met sher for lunch at tampines mall. we ate delifrance. haha. so nice... and when i'm writing this entry, not to mention my 'mummy' haven eat lunch yet.. envious mah? haha. delifrance lehz.. haha.. then after eating, we went to toy 'r' us. sher wanted to buy tamagotchi and shun bian see her fren too.. so we went there and spent the whole afternoon there walking the whole of the shop and test playing everything there.. haha.. it's so fun! think it's been so long since i went TM and walking around. haha. AND AND!! I feel like a kid today.. haha.. a happy child. going around playing all those toys.. haha.. and sher agreed too that today i have really been like a small child.. haha.. well. couldn't blame me wad.. haha..

**PS: haha. my 'mummy' back le.. dont need feel bored in msn le.. lolx..

Thursday, October 28, 2004 . 10:41 PM

today had dbms exam.. this is gonna be so terrible. hope i don fare so badly. hope there will be a miracle yea? haha. today morning met sher go sch.. almost late but never.. haha.. t17 only wad.. so near.. lolx.. did the paper till haiz.. nth to say.. after the paper, went out of the class. saw sher.. haha den go out with them lor.. haha.. needless to say, as her class ended earlier, i got to see my 'mummy' whom sae that i wont see today. haha.. too bad.. lolx..

went to town with sher, aiwee, phoebe and shuling. haha. supposedly go k box buthen nv.. haha. next time den. since no one got the happy mood to sing.. haha.. went to eat first den later go heeren, cine play arcade a while.. haha so fun manz! argh! play the daytona actually first de den sher take over me.. den in the end i lose concentration bang bang the wall den in the end i last le.. wah! haha.. den after cine hmn.. where we go ar? forget also.. haha.. but well, though we nv go k box today, at least we had fun yea! haha..

now so bored. on the way home smsing.. haha.. =P so sad.. my 'mummy' dont want me le.. want to ignore me. how can so she de ignore me?? so can ren.. haha.. so sad.. my 'mummy' not here. tml den come back. sae want play game. den dont talk to me le larh? see! so bad.. anyway. having a terrible headache now, so well, guess maybe i'll be sleeping early tonite? maybe only.. dono also.. haha.. so bored...

*PS: my 'mummy' hp spoil le.. haha.. go fix la.. faster faster.. hehe.. my 'mummy' see this le gonna ignore me again lerx.. wahaha

Wednesday, October 27, 2004 . 11:36 PM

well, actually haven really study finish larhz, left a few more chpt of sql to go.. haha.. let ann soon see this he's gonna kill me.. haha.. but hey, i'm gonna study later again.. so no worries.. hehe. anyway. nothing to blog. sianz~ jia you for tml!

raining now.. sianz.
couldn't sleep a wink last nite. must have been the coffee that i drank before watching the 9pm show.. hahaz.. think i must have slept at 3am again.. lolx.. but waking up so early this morning don really seems to be my style.. haha.. weirdo.. anyway, taking a break from studyin my dbms. haha.. wondering how the paper will be like tml.. listening to the song that is playing in this blog now.. seems sad huh? finally i noe how to make myself cry le! haha.. though like i sae i my tagboard that i wont read the past entries anymore, i still wanna cry out loud at times. not in silence.

a silent cry will end up hurting myself even more. noe i shouldn't be thinking of this now, but concentrating on the examz first.. i noe my priorities. well, maybe this is call life i think. thinking about what i have seen ytd, it sort of made me sad once again. haiz.. anyway, just finished reading ann soon's blog.. haha.. it really makes me wonder why humans can really cover up everything by wearing a mask to show that they are happy on the surface when they are actually hurt and sad in the inner heart? haiz. as i was readin his blog, wormy's OC individual speech came to my mind. everything's so true. the times when i used not to cherish my own life. it's my life that i'm talking about.
a life that i have been living for 17 yrs. or rather so 13 yrs when i tried to end everything? a problematic kid you guys might think huh?
until now, my life is sort of in a mess. a mess that i do not know where and when to clear. a happy face hides a sad life inside. thats wad i am now. i think.
i have learnt to cherish everything that is in my life now. the present- my frenz, my family, the things that i possess.. but yet, the future is still unknown. whats life gonna be 5 to 10 yrs down the road?

well, lookin back to the past only bring back more unhappiness. gotta agree with this. will learn to forget the past. cherish the present and look forward to the future. thats what i have to learn to do now. =)

**PS: no worries guyz, i'll be alright. really. let's all be prepared for the paper tml. Jia yoU!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 . 11:58 PM

well, went out to bedok in the afternoon and then came back home bath and den online a while.. haha.. den log off go eat dinner and study.. study till 9pm den watch tv..den once the show end, start studying again.. until 11.15pm.. haha so guai rite?

oh no! my mom has been pestering me to go back to OG(A) to work... haiz.. and if i really do that, my weekends will be gone.. cannot go out with lalang they all le.. sadist lehz.. I miss lalang.. hehe.. better not let her see this blog or she will kill me.. hahaz! haiz, really wondering if i should go back and work.. i want a new workin space.. everytime do sales very sianz de.. haiyo.. dono also larhx

anybody missing me? hehe.. haiz, so bored.. don blog le.. continue chattin with sher aiwee and ann soon. haha
a rainy day.
a day that i can sleep for so long without worries.
haiz.. just read finished all my blog entries from the first to the last.. i'm sad.. the memories are played back now.. all my mind now is.. what has happened lately.. haiz.. i admit that it has been a long time now. i should have long forgotten him. well, maybe i actually did. but only when i'm really sad that i start thinkin of the past again.. i dono..
sometimes, i find myself lucky. lucky to have such great frenz by me. really. though we may not noe each other for long, i'm still glad that my frenz have been standing by my side.. really..
well, guess, i got to go back to my studies now..

Monday, October 25, 2004 . 11:40 PM

well, did nothing much today.. online since morning till 3+ in the afternoon.. den wanted to study.. but well, nothing can go in.. so slack until i fell asleep.. haha.. woke up is already 6.15pm le.. haha.. in time for my dinner.. hehe..

watched tv till 10pm.. so shiok.. haha.. eee!! toro so shuai!! haha.. omG! go crazy again.. haha.. den study for till 11.30pm.. haiz.. sianz.. think all i studied nothing really went in.. except for some parts.. haiz.. now online so bored.. no more people play game with me.. chat with me.. haha.. so i found sher who is bored too.. to play with me.. hehe.. haiyo.. b.o.r.i.n.g

Sunday, October 24, 2004 . 11:56 PM

today did nothing much.. woke up at 10.30am den slack a while eat lunch den 2pm sleep again.. sleep till 4 or 5+.. dono also.. haha.. den wake up watch tv eat dinner den tv again.. but of cox got do a bit of studying for dbms lahz.. haha..

life is damn bored now lor.. dono why.. lalang asked me about the 4e5 chalet.. which i really don feel like going.. the cost is too expensive liaoz.. so well, i'm not sure too.. depends bahz.. anyway, that's still long.. haha..
well, what can i sae today? basically nothing much.. cox whole day is Tv and vcD.. yea? until 9pm den online chatting till now.. which is like how many hours liao? haha. . listening to utada hikaru's first love for so many times.. and reading the past few months entries, i became sad once again.. been really asking myself: do i still like him? my answer: a little..
haiz.. tried my best to forget but maybe i cant? i dono.. haiz.. shouldnt have too much hopes in this anymore.. maybe i shall just move on with my life? well, i think and i believe i can..

cuteworm's tagboard is quiet once again.. haha.. anyway... i got another wai sun again..haha.. raymond! now got 3 wai sun liaoz.. ray, CY and aug.. lolx

Friday, October 22, 2004 . 11:33 PM

well, today went to school quite late.. thought leon chua givin back assignment 3.. wah, in the end never.. den shud noe don go le lahz.. haha.. went to school rainin so heavily.. wah seh! den 3pm dismissed le.. so dono where to go..thus i follow josel go SAA den later she pei wo go fc5 eat.. after eat finish i send her to MRT station den i go back t16 find sher.. haha.. i go her class.. see presentation.. wah! i like her OC lecturer.. haha.. ooPZ!

den after that we went home.. took the train den later shuling smsed sher sae jie si bo just went up the escalator.. so we already at queenstown, den we came out of the train and wait for the next one.. haha.. we were choosing the door as to where they will be standing.. and we got the correct door, but sher wanted the other side so ok lor.. den later aiyah, lazy to write.. the same happen lik ytd lor.. haha.. den sher dropped at eunos.. sad case.. haha.. den after jie si bo left at kembagan.. jian ping still in the train, slping.. haha.. anyway, quite fun la. . pei sher zhui 'xing' haha...

Thursday, October 21, 2004 . 10:22 PM

well, basically today went to sch for CRS test.. so met up with sher supposedly to go art friend buy mounting board buthen since it's raining, forget it.. so we go eat long john at bugis. haha.. anyway, today totally is a bad day.. why? bcoz.. after the CRS test, thought can wait for sher le den go home, but who noes when we handed in the IDEAs poster, omG! cannot, cox haven mount yet, so we got one from leon chua den we use it, den left one more poster haven mount.. wah! so we called cuteworm to come out so we can share all the troubles.. haha.. den he come up, keep complaining he want to go home.. haha.. but we dont let him go.. den later he go buy the mounting board which is well, very useful huh? it's the biggest he can find in FC5 popular le.. so no choice, we think of other ways, den aiwee and sher gave ideas too.. haha den they help us do lorx.. then in the end we call to hand in, cannot pass again.. haha cox all the thing keep coming out.. wah! damn irritating lorx.. josel worst.. quite fed up le.. den FH came down from dono where then saw us still doing so he stand stand a while den sae he go back le, then josel looked at him, den later he ask: 'need my help anot?' josel not in a very happy tone say: nvm la, don need la. ' (i think so la) and FH really go back lor.. wad kinda guy manz! haha.. den after that really no choice, i go fc5 buy the foam board a1 size de.. den yay! finish le haha.. den we start complainin to the lecturers.. haha.. feel kinda bad lehz.. but josel say: already sae liao wad, wad to do?' haha.. just like gdit.. lolx..

den later going back home, supposedly go toilet de.. den later haha to let sher happy we glance in at 2035, den josel open door see someone got presentation so haha we go 2036 lor.. den wah! someone happy le lor.. haha den go home take same train somemore, 1 door apart only.. lolx.. but sad thing is they go town( we think) haha.. and that once they are out of school, they well.. did something we dont really like.. haiz.. so saddening.. hehe.. now yaoguang sending me the pic.. haha. shuai! hehe.. so happy.. sher also happy.. everyone let's be happY! yay!

**PS: Cuteworm is so mean.. haha.. dont care me and josel.. only care to go home.. lolz!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004 . 11:41 PM

well, basically today after we left school, josel came over my house to take the MS office 2000.. den later we go to take our posters.. goSH! it's so terrible.. haha.. we left that place only to find ourselves entering a durian cake shop.. haha.. den we went in.. and out den later i bought one and eat.. den later we go find atm machine for josel to draw money out but cannot find. den later we went in again and she bought den i pay first.. haha.. we were lik two small kids manz.. haha.. anyway, today saw yaoguang when we going to the NEL at outram.. he going sentosa, den tell me kf also going.. haha.. yay! take pic.. hehe.. and he really took. . digi cam somemore.. haha. so happy..


now in school blogging..so bored. shud noe dont come liaoz.. do nothing also.. since ytd it has been lik that.. last nite slept so early.. at 11pm, and i woke up at 8.30am today.. haha.. argH! ytd while i was going to sleep, i thought about quite a number of things.. maybe i shouldn't have clung on to any hopes of him liking me anymore.. i should have given up long ago.. just when i thought i have given up, i found out myself he has someone liaoz.. thats when i really noe i haven given up yet.. haiz.. knowing everything and findin it out myself is even worse.. me, sher and ai wee all agreed that he is close to ai wee now den to me and sher.. he everything also tell ai wee nv tell us le.. den he see aiwee he sae hi or wadever but not to us liao.. wtfish lor.. if lik that, i really see no point in making frenz with him in the first place? i dono lahz..

now online got CY..chattin with him now.. he nv go sch.. pon teng.. just becoz got 4 periods of eng lesson and is tahiya lor.. so sianz.. no wonder they don want go la.. and ya btw, the they got so many lor.. szeloon also part of it.. haha idoit leh they all.. haha

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 . 10:50 AM

well, finally handed in all the assignments liaoz.. ytd skipped OC just to do up everything.. and when we finally printed out everything, we went to level 3 bench there and paste and etc.. after sher end, she came over to find me.. hehe.. den later we went down buy things and eat.. coz i was feeling so so so hungry.. then a story was created by cuteworm.. well, click here to visit his blog and noe more of it..
*PS: that's a lame story... josel say it's not funny but i thought quite funny.. wahaha.. and anyway, McNuggets is not my nick..

reached home and slacked for so long.. den haha it's time to online.. so bored so i surf friendster lorx..so sad lorx.. haiz.. wanna cry again.. see things that i shouldn't have seen.. and worst thing was.. haiz.. cannot cry out again lorx.. argH! just don't want to suppress everything inside.. it's really not nice feeling that way.. but well, i need all the time i have to forget everything.. that is associated with him? dono also larh.. dont care about all these first.. must help august, CY they all in 'O' levels liaoz.. their 'O' level combined science practical totally went wrong.. the unexpected came out.. haiz..

Sunday, October 17, 2004 . 11:55 PM

yay! stay at home today and finished up my gdit and all.. so happy.. so relax now.. just dono what to sae.. haha.. suddenly so stressless.. hehe.. but at the same time, when there is nothing that occupies my mind, i will think of even more things.. and as well, this song that is playing now.. first love.. the song is quite meaningful i can say.. ya?

Saturday, October 16, 2004 . 11:29 PM

today met up with shifu to pass him the directorMX at tiong bahru.. den later go meet KP first at bugis to go to bras brasah complex buy paper for gdit assignment.. haha.. WZ late as usual. must give her a nick le.. late queen! haha.. oopz~ went to BK to eat.. and chat a while.. haha.. den later we go art fren then WZ suddenly pop out from no where.. waH! haha.. kidding.. den later we proceed to popular cox it's cheaper over there..haha.. anyway.. haha.. the papers are nice..

KP and her dar come my house do project.. finish up MORG den her dar do gdit logo.. so sad thing.. they haven finish yet.. jia you worz to whoever is in JH grp.. haha..

now chatting with cy and august.. wah.. kana bully by the two of them.. haha.. they bully me like nobody's business sehz.. then the testimonials in friendster are like questions and answers.. haha.. so fun.. lolx.. we are just laming around since we got nothing better to do.. and since their 'O' are coming.. haha.. hehe..

Friday, October 15, 2004 . 11:54 PM

well, today after gdit, first and foremost, saw ermx, KFC? haha.. den anyway, thats not the point now.. haha. continued doing morg. . then cox no lab.. so went to ask who got laptop with 3dmax. and cuteworm has it.. haha.. so we pleaded with him for it.. and he once gonna stay back for us again.. haha.. sorry ar wormy.. hehe. . we do till 6+ where the laptop is going flat.. haha.. poor wormy.. alwys cannot go home early.. haha.. anyway, it's tough doing 3dmax.. haiz.. but KP managed to do it all.. so cool rite? it's nice too.. hehe..and in the end, we never handed in cox still haven add the camera finished.. haha, maybe tml continue bahz.. today shifu come down to sch.. den we went home together.. hehe..

now chatting with kaifeng.. hehe.. chat for so long this time. so happy.. tonite sure can sleep so sweetly liaoz.. haha..

gonna sleep liaoz.. tml going down bras brasah with KP and WZ yay! haha

today felt so lifeless.. cox of last nite.. it really tire me out.. after the cry.. no mood to laugh, no mood to joke. i'm just back to the sad fishy.. not a happy fishy now.. thought could have a good sweet dream last nite especially after receiving kf's sms.. but, after finding things out myself due to my curiosity, i've been deprived of my sweet sleep.. cried to sleep.. this feeling really is not good.. i tried telling myself that it's over.. it's impossible.. haiz.. anyway, told WZ about why i am feeling so sad and lifeless today, with no mood to do anything. she too felt sad for me.. when i showed her everything, i wanted to cry again. 'wanna spend more moments with you and will cherish the times we had together..' last time he too said that, but maybe he realise that i'm not the type he want. maybe we understood each other too well le bahz.. haiz.. i dono..

morg haven finish.. sick and tired of doing it.. haiz.. dono how to do also.. how? smsed shukai tell him i damn stress and feel like givin up.. i cant take it anymore.. i very sad.. how? need someone to cheer me up..
hmn.. while waitin for the things to be sent to josel, i took a look at friendster.. i got a shock when i looked at joseph's page.. well, guessed he has got a gf liaoz? i clicked on it and bingo, i'm right. and the gal is from media comm and is the same age as me.. hehe.. well, though i miss the times talking to him and all.. guess i cant do that anymore? is it jealousy that's been filling up my heart now? i dono too.. haiz.. guess i should have just been kept in the dark bahz.. but, this shows that i understand him bahz, like i sae in my previous entry on wed, maybe he like that gal or sth? i'm right afterall.. haiz.. why am i feeling this way?

cried last nite.. after what i have seen. ya? cried for quite long.. haiz.. sad.

Thursday, October 14, 2004 . 11:13 PM

Happy birthday! hehe.. today is my birthday.. as i was online till 12.30am today, alot of ppl flooded my msn.. haha.. all wishin me happy birthday.. thankz guys~ you're the best! hehe.. was quite surprised alot of pple actually remembered my birthday.. thought nobody would have actually remembered it.. the worst thing is that.. joseph have actually forgotten about it! ah-gong la him.. told him when we knew each other from the start le.. den he forgot.. but nvm, he old le.. become ah-gong(grandfather) liaoz.. lolx.. until when sher changed her nick to wish me happy birthday and say yo to joseph then he say to her: shuhui birthday today? 14 oct? sher then say: u dono? u mean u really really really dono? wah.. he best lor! haha.. but nvm.. he's forgiven. hehe.. cox in the end he wished me too! so happy..

during webp.. when going to end liaoz.. ji siao tby a little bit.. cox today lesson end at 11.45am.. so early.. so i say him lor.. den shun bian ask him the webp assignment marked finish liaoz.. he sae haven but he has marked sher's class one.. so i asked him if he had seen who he wanted to noe.. and he say ya.. the one j one rite.. haha.. so clever ar him.. den he sae too bad dont have you and him.. diaoz! haha.. i also have.. but i nv put only hehe..anyway, thats not the main point.. the main point is. . .

during break time, sat at the level 3 bench there to have lunch. me and WZ go down buy food for KP as well for ourselves.. then when we reached, i got a surprise.. got cake with candles.. hehe.. first time since sec 2? ya? haha..den saw sher so called sher to join us sing happy birthday.. den after that sher go off le.. so happy.. then still got present from them- josel, KP, WZ, mel.. got a cute dog.. thankz guYS! i love it.. you are all the bEST! made a wish before blowing out the candles.. nahz, not telling what wish i've made.. hehe.. else it wont come true liaoz.. den later we all there crap and joke alot.. *giggles* den i smsed shukai tell him i today very happy.. he asked why happy? see who again? haha.. no la, i nv see shuai ge.. den i told him cox today my frenz celebrated my b-day with me.. thats y i so happy.. hehe.. den he say why i today b-day nv tell him.. den he shun bian wish me happy birthday too! hehe... xie xie worx.. really glad to have these kinda frenz around me. den me and shukai continue smsing.. haha.. so fun.. =P

today is really very happy.. a happy day for me.. lots and lots of frenz wished me happy birthday.. even those who are in different poly with me and we are good frenz in sec sch also smsed me.. even shifu too though he still in camp.. missed shifu, ah pat and gerald alot.. no fun without them.. haiz.. anyway.. today my day really brighten up alot.. thankz to josel, KP and the rest of them.. you guys are really the best!

[F]isHy says: so happy today.. especially after receiving someone's sms.. hehe.. though a little late.. but still nvm.. hehe.. gonna have sweet dreams tonite le..

Wednesday, October 13, 2004 . 11:26 PM

went to school feeling tired as usual. but this time tired is becox my eyelids felt heavy. especially after crying for quite a while last nite. just don feel like mentioning about it anymore.. it's just so sad.. was abit late for gdit.. den halfway thru lessons, i cried. i just cried so suddenly. it's not like me at all. to cry out of a sudden. that's not my style. i know KP and josel tried their best to make me smile during gdit, but sorry guys. i really at that moment don fel like laughing or wad. continued crying.. also dono for wad.. missing him? sort of i will admit. haiz.. dbms pract, KP cried. coz of well, some reasons. yup, don think about that matter too much le ok? it's naturally that you have that thinking.. ya? hehe.. left practical 13 the last few questions.. actually can do finish if not for some stupid joke played by shawn. was damn fed-up at him.. that i totally ignore the guys for the rest of the day. that's a very mean joke to play with in the first place.. especially if my mood is already so bad since morning.. well, as we gals alwys say.. guys are so insensitive to feelings. ya? although he had apologised, well i actually accepted it but was still mad at him. a stupid prank played on someone who's not in a good mood.. haiz..

during break time, actually wanted to eat.. buthen think and think.. forget it don feel like eating.. den KP pull me go and eat.. so anything lor.. ate my favourite western food... haha.. been eating that for the past few days. growing fat le.. hehe. while walking to the stall.. i cried again.. partly is becox mad at shawn for that joke and partly is becox i felt so lousy at that moment. saw joseph. faster wiped away my tears.. ya? though i think he did not see us, i dono why i still wipe my tears away. finished eating so i went to buy a second packet of fresh milk and drink.. saw joseph with a gal sitting together and eating. he like that gal? i dono. or maybe they are just frenz? from what i noe of him, i think he like that gal ya? if it is a gal he like, he will ask her out one.. whether is it break time or wad or a movie.. haiz.. dono also..

whole of today, i've sort of only have been in contact with shukai? ya? ytd he told me online that today is his presentation.. haha.. forgot to wish him good luck.. but anyway, everything turned out fine.. he called about 5pm, just to sae his presentation over liaoz.. diaoz..den left me haven finish my assignments and all..sad lehx.. ytd online chat with him alot of things..told him whats up with my MSN nick and he agreed with what i say and i ageed with what he say.. hehe.. he's really a great friend to mix with.. yA?

smsed joseph last nite while i was crying. waited for his reply but he just never replied back.. till this morning he also nv reply. did he receive it or did he not? i dono also.. don't he noe that the sms i sent him meant alot to me? it can at least really cheer me up a little.. but he has never replied.. up till now, i'm still waiting. haiz..

[F]isHy says: i'm really feeling very lousy today. tml's a special day, but i'm still not happy.. why? i'm missing something from my life..

Tuesday, October 12, 2004 . 10:27 PM

today, josel nv come.. cox she woke up late.. KP told us that she woke up at 10.30am, den see still early so continue slping until our break time den wake up.. cox she cried last nite.. wad happened to jo? why she cry? haix.. stress? tell us if you got any probs k? so, today's life was only me, KP and WZ. so quiet lor.. no jokes.. haix..

after dbms tutorial , me, WZ and KP went to fc4 to have breakfast as usual.. den later while walking back to 2032 for morg, saw joseph.. in formal.. nv tucked in somemore..so the poor guy got said by me..i told him: hey, can tuck in anot.. very untidy leh.. he said: later la.. and den he walked off le.. late for class liaoz lor him.. plus, i think he today nv spray bahz.. no smell one.. everytime no matter how little he will spray, i can alwys smell it but not today.. y? miss that smell so much.. haha..

break. dbms lecture. yup. the whole time in dbms lecture was playin with clemens (ms khoo) haha.. like kids manz.. throw things here and there.. haha.. anyway. thats not the point.. hehe.. went to find leon chua on our gdit assignment 4 and let he comment.. wah, he so troublesome lor.. haha.. cannot find plug to put his the cable for laptop.. lousy. so in the end we went to fc6 where there are so many of it.. haha.. den showed him everything.. gosh! i gonna redo all over.. need to do so many changes.. hehe.. after everything, went to lab with WZ so that she change the logo and i send it to KP they all at nite.. den i went home after lab.

i'm alone. yes, alone. went to school alone, came back home alone today. coz sher ended at 12pm today.. she no CRS.. so good.. so she went out with cass to town to watch movie.. and the poor me still have lessons.. but anyway. that's not the point too. on the train, i felt the loneliness within me.. i was so sad.and i started to think about the past.. so i msg KP.. guessed i might have scared her.. asked what happened so i reply back telling her that i dono too.. but i only noe that i miss talkin to him. yes him. not gonna say who is it.. it just happened so suddenly... it's been so long already and yet it happened once again. i felt so lost. i wanna cry. i wish he was there. i just miss talking to him.. i dono why. he may not be perfect. he may not be good-looking. but haiz, i just miss those times with him. he's busy. guess i shan't bother him? my imagination starts running wild again. headaches. when will it stop? haiz..

[F]isHy says: the worst way to miss someone is when they are standing just right infront of you and knowing that you can't have them. i miss you. i miss the times that were once spent together. i-miss-u. a crush won't help solve everything. -sad-

Nite time was a pure torture.. did my gdit and the stupid chinese program dono wad happen till i cant type english words come out.. so fed-up with it cox i'm already very tired. and haiz.. wadever it is, my parents have failed to understand me. i'm tired. why cant they just give me a break? now, i really see no point in life at all.. i'm at the lowest point of my life now. but no one noes.. what should i do? *cries*

Monday, October 11, 2004 . 11:36 PM

today have 2 presentations, namely IDEAs and OC(individual). haiz.. surely cant make it for this two presentations.. why? well, cox during IDEAs, haix.. when come to explaining our posters, me and josel cant do it.. so well, in the end.. the asked us to redo lorx.. how killing can this be? den josel was kinda in a bad mood? coz she just don understand why are we doing IDEAs that has a bit of business thingys when we are in MMT.. agreed with this point..else why so many people quit? ya? so well, in the end.. yup.. gotta redo again.. only posters and prototype.. and ya.. the prototype, even though it cant work, still glad that feng he managed to do one.. *heave a sigh of relief*

den after IDEAs, is OC.. which is totally haiz.. tot the speech will be like only 6 mins after what i have tried out at home... but who noes, it actually lasted for 9min + haha.. so glad.. but worst thing is.. CK and Jing Hao said that my points are like so wrong.. and it's only that they nv sabo.. haiz.. if points wrong den die le lorx.. how wrong can the two presentations be? haix.. was quite sad that the presentations all went wrong.. thus i smsed sher and shukai.. ya? shukai told me that what past is past liao.. move on to the others.. well.. though it's over.. and i noe i have to move on to my other assignments.. all these somehow will affect the grades.. haiz.. anyway.. who cares now? today cuteworm topic for OC is: how fragile life is.. he gave a very good speech on that.. since he has experienced it before.. all his points on how fragile life is, is very good.. it makes a lot of sense.. i listened to it and found that actually last time in sec sch.. i was really very stupid.. very dumb to think of suicide.. even up till now.. just cant imagine sec1 i tried playing with penknife.. ya? i think cuteworm will noe what i mean by playing with penknife since it's part of his speech? haiz..

stayed back to help cher out with sher too.. haha.. cher more pro den me.. haven learn to use photoshop den now she try out herself so pro... hehe.. den today finally the three of us went home together.. first time now.. haha.. =P had lotsa fun in the train.. so crappy siaz.. hahahha.. anyway.. got to go slp now.. very tired.. plus no one wanna talk to me online.. joseph dono go where again.. jimmy maybe still busy with fyp.. haiz.. so sad..

**2 more days.. doubt no one will remember it.. gonna be alone this year.. by myself.. **

Sunday, October 10, 2004 . 10:54 PM

well, has been waiting for joseph's reply the whole day.. coz last nite send him what i've been feeling.. why sad and so on.. he say he will think about it and reply me.. but till now. haiz.. maybe he's busy bahx.. maybe i shouldn't fan him with my probs? i dono.. he is one whom i can count on when i'm sad now.. of cox besides my close friends lah.. although i noe i can count on my close frenz, they have their own problems too.. ya? haiz..

been doing my gdit the whole of today.. and yup, left with two message cards- a5 and small hand-held card for bouquet.. haha.. everything that i did, the designs were like so simple? hahaha..wondering if give KP they all see le, what will they say.. lolx!

left with a few more hours to monday le.. wonder how is our IDEAs prototype coming along.. and pls lorx.. feng he told me ytd that nowhere sell the roller thingy le.. and it's like.. den how? don need do le lah? he sae he will still do no matter what.. except that if he do le, it wont roll.. diaoz..if it wont roll, how are we like gonna prove to the ppl that our product can work? haix.. waH! as if my day was very good ytd..haix.. den cuteworm told me he found the roller ruler which can roll straight without going off-course.. hehe..that's good.. =) seems that alot of things, we are like counting on cuteworm.. feel kinda bad.. all he do.. all he find.. haha.. but cannot take advantage of good people de worx.. ritez?? =) now can only hope that tml presentations be it OC or IDEAs, everything will turn out fine..even though i noe that my OC is CMI (cant make it) hahahaha!!

Saturday, October 09, 2004 . 11:29 PM

ytd went online. had a few minutes chat with kaifeng.. yup. asked about how their fyp coming along.. den he offline le.. haiz.. maybe he too busy bahz.. den later shukai came online.. asked him if he ytd ok anot.. den now also how.. haiz.. he feel sad.. and i noe how's he feelin.. cox i felt all this before too.. the pain he has been inflicted must be very heart-brokening.. but i can only advice him.. cox afterall, i'm just an outsider who knew nothing about his relationship with his gf.. haiz.. i really hope that everything will be alright between the two of them..

[F]isHy sAys: I wished that there will be someone for me when i'm troubled.. coz i can't cope with all that is happening now..

i'm feeling real sad today.. i just feel like crying.. coz i don't feel the love, care and concern from my family members.. just a few days back, my second sis lost her file with lotsa her school files inside.. she said that she passed it to my third sis and when she came home, she tot my third sis was playin a joke on her.. till night time she realised that it is really missing.. and she cried.. my mom was so angry then.. who's fault is it is still unknown. but to me, the fault lies in my second sis. well, if she never ask my third sis to take the file just becoz she wanted to buy some titbits and eat, everything would be alright, isn't it so? but somehow, the way my mom says it.. she's protecting my second sis and kept blaming for third sis.. no doubt my third sis maybe naughty but she wont purposely lose the file.. and just this afternoon, my mom told my second sis to get the files from her friend so that she can photocopy.. and pls la, photocopy using the printer and then some words can't even be seen.. told my mom about the words that cant be seen, she just sae just using those wkshts to study for examz only don need do till so nice.. wadever lorx.. i was just givin my opinions. and well, maybe i was too busybody bahz.. if i was the one who lost the wkshts, my mom would have just tell me u ownself go photocopy.. which means, i need to take the wkshts from my friend and pay the photocopying fees myself cox it's MY FAULT that i lost it! come to think of it, call me jealous of my second sis or wad.. but i just feel that it's very very very unfair..

plus lately, josel and KP have like well, been said by their older siblings for not communicating with the family and all.. to me, if i never communicate with my family, no one will point out that i'm not showing much care for the family etc.. everyday my routine will just be wake up, go sch. end sch, come back home, eat dinner, bath and get down to my assignments.. and then when i go online to discuss assignments thingy and find some things for presentation, they will just say why i everytime online so long. so late still don slp, later tml cannot wake up and all those stuffs.. it just makes me even think that they don understand what i'm doing.. they don bother to ask.. tell them once that it was for my assignment thingys that i'm online till so late.. but still everytime, they would come and chase me to go offline.. fine then.. thinking that i'm asleep in my room, they didn't bother much anymore.. but in actual fact, i'm inside my room continuing my assignments even though there is no Internet.. it's hard though.. they will never understand what i'm going through now.. they can see that i am stress and keep askin me to manage my time well and all.. aren't i managing my time now? i really feel very sad about all these.. why is it that my mom always treat my second sis better than me and my third sis? so what if she's talented and clever and even went for the gifted program? so whAt? i'm HUman too!! even though i want wad i can have at times, mostly they are for a good cause.. but i just don see the reason why all the best things have to go to my second sis? and why is it that me and my third sis is always getting scolded by my mom? why is it so seldom that my second sis got scolded for anything wrong that she did? i jUst don UNDERSTAND!! i'm a human that needs love, care and concern too.. no one will ever care about me anymore.. i'm just a nobody in this world. who will ever care and love a nobody.. i never pointed all these thingys out to my parents at all, cox i noe that it's useless.. they wont care about it.. will just sae that i'm jealous of my second sis that's all.. felt so useless and helpless.. always i am hoping that someone will be by my side but in fact, no one will be.. i've imagined and dreamt too far.. lived in my own world of illusions for too long. time i woke up from the dreams and imagination. time to wake up and face the big world myself, all alone, with no help, feeling strengthless. haiz..

[F]isHy says: feel that my existence in this world is useless.. why am i still living? sometimes wished that i will never exist so there won't be so much problems.. i'm just like any depressed teens thinking of suicide.. but they wont noe what i am thinking of at all.. if one day i really die, maybe it will just be a load off their mind? i really dono.. *cries*

Friday, October 08, 2004 . 11:29 PM

The day ahead of me today was quite bad. First, i went to school and reached at 10am.. hehe..was late for webp tutorial so heck care la! haha..den later morg tutorial.. den was telling josel and WZ about ytd what feng he said in msn.. wah.. juz saying that makes me even madder! and worst is he isnt there yet until morg tutorial going end le den he came in.. and guessed what? told him to get styrofoam and haiz.. not bought yet.. so quite fed-up liaoz lahz.. den later went FC6 before morg lecture to buy things eat.. hungry mahz.. hehe.. den was telling WZ how mad i am actually.. juz cant stand this kinda pple who don even noe when to joke at the correct time.. sadist lOrx..

today break time saw that joseph.. wah kaoz! bully me seh him.. cox there was this lecturer who is freaking tall (ang moh de) den i was waiting at the western food with KP for her food.. den this joseph saw me den sae : wah, shuhui..win le lah him.. indirectly sae me short ar? haha.. den i tell him he also the same lorx.. hehe.. but anyway.. haha, glad he still remember me as his friend.. lolx..

had gdit practical.. did nothing much lah.. just confirming the logo and everything den ms huei said it can be even better so we thought of ways to modify and make a better one... and yipEE! we managed it! mel cried then.. and i sorta felt bad.. same goes for josel and the everyone of us..cox i feel that we sorta left her out? haiz.. after practical end, all of us discussed who's gonna do the IDEAs prototype.. haiz.. was very afraid if we let feng he do all.. after what he told me online ytd.. and clemens got no time to meet up to do the prototype so in the end.. they suggested both clemens and feng he do one each den monday bring see who did the best.. only thing is one of them got to buy the roller thingy.. yup..

went to CCC with josel today.. haha.. it was fuN! at first while walkin to CCC, jo told me kim mo is behind.. haha..so i turned around den haha.. saw him with his fren carrying guitar of their back.. smsed sher tell her about it.. haha.. sadist.. she nv see today.. haha.. but anyway, back to CCC there.. why was it fun? well, becoz went there and played monopoly with josel's CCC friend.. haha.. waH! josel was the first to be bankrupt. den her friend die die want me to play till i bankrupt so ok lor play lor.. den haha.. i so lucky in the game until hehe.. i become bankrupt too.. after that me and sher went home..and that time was 7.15pm? hehe.. was so fun..

Thursday, October 07, 2004 . 11:59 PM

dono whats up with me lately.. almost cried in class.. as well as in FC6 during break time too.. just dono why.. i suddenly just feel so sad, so unhappy.. i wanna cry.. but the tears just wont flow.. it flowed a little only.. sometimes, especially now is the period where assignments are all dueing soon, i felt stress.. and when the stress is killing me, i always wish and always pray that i will have someone by my side.. so that i can lean on.. haiz.. it's impossible though.. =(

saw kf today.. hehe.. when going home that time saw him at fc6.. can say i feel happy bahz.. cox so long never see him le.. hehe.. saw sher's kim mo today when going down to fc6 too.. after school lahz.. haha..wah! damn shUAi lOr! sher muz be over the moon today.. see so clear view.. hehe..

was a kinda shocked that shukai will sms me.. hehe.. he sae tat he is feeling damn sad now.. cox he felt that his efforts have like gone down the drain.. and he felt so useless.. haiz.. wonder what happened.. so i asked him and he sae that he added an additional thing to the project den he do trial just now but cannot work.. haiz.. i dono how to let make him feel better so i just replied back that although i cant help much cox i never study their stuffs, just wanna him to noe that failure does not alwys mean it will fail. as long as he noe he tried his best, it's ok.. told him somemore that he still have 4 days to hand up FYP, so maybe he can try till it works? yea? and also that he is not useless at all, coz i believe that he will succeed.. i'm really very sure of it.. cox he is intelligent. yA? hehe.. thats wad i can only tell him in a way that he wont feel useless.. and in actual fact, shukai isnt useless at all.. haiz.. why now everybody all stress about FYP, assignments etc.. haix..

siCko loRz! just asked feng he whether he got the materials ready for the prototype thingy.. and he tell me haven.. still can joke abt it.. ask me when hand in so i tell him mon and he sae nvm still can slack.. wAH! damN pissEd off mANz! he sae he joking but pleaSe at leASt joke at the right time lORz!!!! monday hand in liaoz den still want to joKE. kaoz eh! damn irritAted noW!
haiz, today never see my shuai ge.. so sad.. I miss seeing him.. dono how many days never see him le.. zhe me ban? i got no choice, but to just monitor myself for 1 to 2 months.. cox after these 2 months, and i still miss him.. i think den i have really fallen for him.. coz now may be the stage where i just got a crush on him.. yup... maybe joseph one was actually a crush too.. didn't last long.. only 2 mth crush.. hehe.. oh gosH! i really cant believe myself that i have actually fallen for kaifeng.. last time he used to be my group leader in camp and i tell myself then that he is my GL.. so don't anyhow think.. but now.. i still regard him as my GL. as my friend. haiz.. i think he really noe i bio him liaoz.. zhe me ban?

went FC2 to eat mac today, coz josel need to do her admin card.. so yup. we went there..nothing much actually..no shuai ge there somemore.. hehe.. josel went back ahead of us cox she sae that she wanna pray.. so ok..and after eating, we walked back to t20.. left FC2 feeling abit sad.. dono why.. but it just suddenly happen lorx.. everyone's mood are like haiz..forget it manz! den today before morg practical test..aiyah, dono is it whether i sensitive anot.. but becoz i was sitting at the steps there lookin up.. i manage to see the sky, and t2136, 2135 and those at level 4 class.. den i saw kf's classmates.. seen them once.. yup. i see them once.. then i think they are lik lookin at me? i dono.. maybe i too sensitive le bahx.. haix. . die liaoz.. morg confirm fail.. haha..after the paper, me, KP,josel we were like all so happy to noe that we confirm fail the test le.. haha.. a bunch of weirdies rite? who fail test will still so happy de? haha..

haiz. josel being abit moody lately.. i think only.. think she too stress over assignments? dono also.. haha.. hey jo, don be so stress la.. destress urself.. go see happytreefriends la.. recommend u another one.. http://www.iloveegg.com/ hehe..

Wednesday, October 06, 2004 . 1:23 AM

hmn.. suddenly my mood is like so sad.. dono why.. out of a sudden one.. haiz .. what can i do? sometimes, really wished i got someone to let me lean on when i am tired. juz like KP.. haiz.. but i noe it's useless pinning for something that you noe you won't be able to get.. so let me face up to reality manz~ if he is yours, he eventually will be one day.. yup. thats what i can tell myself now.. but it's all up to me.. haiz.. my level of concentration has decreased.. due to exhaustion from projects and assignments.. my sleep juz aint enough.. need more rest... haha.. haiz.. now, everything has to see myself liaoz.. how i handle everything.. my feelings, my thoughts and all.. S.A.D..

tml morg test.. sian diao.. sure fail de.. nv listen to him at all.. cant be bothered to look at the notes too.. haiz. go slp le

^-^ FisHy is Sad.. nOt becOz of shUai-gE fAult. FisHy is Sad becOZ she is jUz sAD. no oTheR reAsons.. jUSt no mooD noW.. hoPe my mOod impRovEs!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004 . 12:20 PM

now in 2032 for morg lessons, supposedly to do the assignment 2 but i end up seeing ppl's website.. haha.. read sher's one and thought it was funny.. especially with the pictures of joseph.. cox kinda recalled about the incident in the mrt with tby.. haha.. why go meet joseph ar? wahaha.. freaking hilarious.. sian diaoz.. never managed to go online last nite.. was too tired, so i slept early.. and is freaking early.. at 9pm.. till this morning.. cool huh? first time since poly life.. hehe..

finally handed up my webp assignment(juz ytd) and my dbms case study( last fri) and of cox finished my OC grp presentation.. hehe.. next week still got formal presentation.. for IDEAs and OC(individual).. sicko lor.. gonna rush through everything again.. which means no sleep for the rest of this week again. WHY? cox all the assignments (GDIT grp project on mon, IDEAs- biz proposal, ppt slides, poster, prototype also on mon, MORG grp project on mon and obviously with OC and IDEAs presentation too on monday) and this thurs will be CRS in which the discussion we haven finish yet.. oh nO! there goes my sleep again.. and i haven started watching the vcd yet.. gosh! it gonna take me a long long time.. haiz..

Sunday, October 03, 2004 . 11:47 PM

now still rushing for webp and OC.. wah sianz.. since ytd neve sleep at all.. slept at 5am today and woke up at 9am.. haiz.. juz because i was rushing for my webp assignment.. haiz.. den today go to work so tired.. practically dragged myself to work manz! plus today there weren't much people so ya.. quite good.. requested for morning shift so that can come home early to do up webp.. and yup.. till now everything is ok except for my OC.. haha.. gonna slog through the nite again i think..

suddenly dono why when i am in the train, i started feeling so lonely. the loneliness that i once felt in the past. why? it just happened too suddenly.. i felt sad though, and i really feel like the tears are rolling down any moment. kinda wished someone was by my side then. so that i can say out everything in my heart.. haiz.

Friday, October 01, 2004 . 2:25 PM

today came to school early. to meet up with WZ and mel to finish up dbms..BUT, haha, both were late.. diaoz.. and i was early.. yup. saw hanyuan in his formal.. geez~ he looks so nice in formal.. we finished about 11.30am.. but still have to touch up some more and edit because we saw ngiam and asked her about it. and she edited for us. so well, it's quite ok lahz.. in the end we completed everything..

break time was with sher, aiwee and mel.. den sher saw shukai.. so i thought: hmn.. got shukai means got kaifeng.. rite? yup.. den i told them this and sher looked around somemore. and guessed what? she saw kaifeng.. hehe.. so i changed place with mel, buthen the view isn't good.. so i changed place with sher.. and yippeE~ the view is so good.. nice.. hehe.. got to see my shuai ge.. haha.. so happy..

now gdit.. sian.. no leon chua.. haha.. sher smsed me that she got a very nice view of kaifeng.. cox phoebe they seating near them.. so she and aiwee went to join them (i think) haiz.. she sae that he was smiling/laughing.. *sob sob* cannot see shuai ge smile and laugh.. juz feel that his smile is very nice.. yup.. hehe.. =)